That Which Is Not Dead
by Unnamed.in.whispers
Summary: The beginning of Daryls journey is when he walks the road with someone else... (Rated M for content and foul language in keeping with the show)
1. Journey

()()()

It had started that night they left the CDC.

No – perhaps even before that… when he had handed her that pickaxe and she sent it through the dead brain of that red-neck slime she had once called a husband.

Maybe even before then.

The way she walked, the way she moved, how she spoke to people without ever losing sight of that scumbag. She was a woman living in fear and since the moment Daryl had laid eyes on Carol Peletier he had known; she was afraid of Ed. But more than that, she was afraid of what he would do to her daughter.

Daryl recognised it; hell, he was attuned to that sort of thing.

Letting her finish him off was almost cathartic. Hearing the tear of flesh, the slop of blood and brain and thunk of the metal as it embedded in the ground made him think of her liberation… he could almost see the devil exorcised from within her.

Daryl watched her grow in the new light of freedom.

And she dazzled; he found it almost mesmerising.

So when she lost her daughter he was prepared to do anything.

Daryl Dixon would do anything so that she would be saved from losing that spark.

He prayed; he had actually prayed.

_Never prayed for nothin' in my whole life before_, he explained to God that night she cried herself to sleep in Dales motorhome. _Figured my old man was right… figured you had more important people to listen to. Way I hear it told… we all got our own quota of miracles to be had by you…_

Daryl squeezed his eyes shut, _What I have give to her._

_What I have, let Sophia take. Let her be safe._

The night was silent, save for Carols sobs…

_Let her be safe and come home to her momma._

Nothing.

_Please…_

Absolutely nothing.

And Daryl couldn't take it anymore, _Fine then! _

But when he sat up all he could see was Carol curled in a painful little ball on the bed, soaking the pillow with sorrow as she cried for her daughter.

Looking back, he saw Andrea endlessly clicking and snapping that damned gun of hers…

In truth, he had hardly noticed the other woman

And then he figured… he figured that people get lost and survive all the time… so what was he doing lying here when Sophia was out there?

"I'm gonna walk the road," he informed Andrea, "look for the girl."

And the crying stopped…

When Daryl looked back he saw Carol wiping away her tears… and there it was; that glimmer of hope in her eye…

And he nodded to her, hoping to convey assurance, or understanding… or something, anything that would bring her peace.

So Daryl went out tracking. It was something he was used to; something he knew. Who would have thought it would end up saving his life when the world turned upside-down. Maybe it could save Sophias life as well.

And even with Andrea tagging along beside him, distracting him and asking questions, Daryl was still no closer to finding the little girl.

The look on Carols face when they returned to the camp without her daughter was almost too much to bear… so Daryl was glad when Dale and Andrea didn't follow him into the Winnebago.

He stood there a moment, listening to Carol crying again, and tried to find the words… but all he could manage was a mumbled, "Sorry…"

"What?" Carol asked, sitting up and looking at him.

The attention made him squirm… "I said, I'm sorry."

And though the sobs continued to shake through her, Carol wiped away her tears and cocked her head in confusion, "Why are you sorry?"

Why was he sorry? He was supposed to be the tracker in this rag-tag group! He was supposed to be the one that could read the forest and the woodland and guide them all to safety… this apocalypse was a chance for him to be a valued member of society instead of the miscreant he had always been told he would become… and for all of this… "I couldn't find her."

"She's my daughter," Carol corrected, "I should never have let her out of my sight." And she shifted to sit on the end of the bed, better to see him and say, "It wasn't your fault I left her alone on the road to be chased away… I'm her mother… I should have been there…"

And before he knew it she was wrapped in his arms, crying against the leather of his jacked as he held her tightly, soothing, "You couldn't help it, it all happened so fast…"

But she shook her head, "I could have done something… but I was so scared!"

What was he hearing? Of course she was scared; they were all scared! So he moved to hold her face in his hands and look in her eyes, "It was only natural… ain't nobody in this camp not afraid of them…"

"But we're together," Carol said, fighting back the tears in her eyes as Daryl wiped at them, "and she's alone…"

There was something he could do, "I'll go back out…"

And as he moved away, he felt Carols hand on his arm, "No! You need your sleep and it's too dark…"

So?

"Will you help me look in the morning?"

Daryl nodded dumbly, unable to find a counter argument; it was dark and the chances of following a trail would be better in the day. And, as much as he hated to admit it, he needed the rest.

"Do you think you'll be able to sleep," he asked her.

Carol shrugged, looking between the bed and him.

"You need to rest up so we can find your little girl…"

She nodded… "Will you stay with me?"

That went without asking; there was nowhere he intended to be… so as she climbed back into the bed, Daryl looked about the cramped RV for a place to settle close to her.

"No'" Carol said.

And when Daryl looked up he saw her shifting over in the covers…

"I mean here…"

Fear gripped his centre… if it hadn't been so cold and unwanted, he may have found the thought of facing a hundred walkers less frightening than the prospect of this woman wanting to share her bed with him an amusing notion…

But the look in her eye banished all fear; she needed him.

And Daryl needed to be needed…

So he moved to the bed, kicking off his boots and gently shifting in next to her, letting her drape his arm over her shoulders so he lay on his back as she cuddled into his side.

_Mad world_, he thought as he felt the warm body next to him relax and heard her breathing even out.

_Mad, insane world_… and he tried not to think of how comforting and enjoyable the feeling of holding her was…

_We'll find Sophia in the morning_, he confirmed, drowsily, _we're going to find her…_

And then he fell to sleep…

()()()()

Light crept in beneath his eyelids… Daryl must have slept a whole six hours straight, because when he woke he was alert and ready for the day; hadn't rested that good since he'd stayed with those respite folk out in Fulton County…

In fact… he felt so damned good that he figured he might linger a while and let his body acclimatise to consciousness.

Daryl couldn't remember the last time he luxuriated in bed, feeling the suns warmth through the windows, wallowing in the comfort of a mattress, breathing in the scent of…

"Carol?"

He opened his eyes.

()()()

Daryl needed space; he needed to think on it.

So he had taken the chance to range the forest in search of Sophia once more, leaving Carol at the highway to wait in case she should appear.

Space…

He had gotten too close to Carol over the past few days. Man! He could be a jerk sometimes! Woman just lost her daughter… and there he was… what the hell was he doing?

It started out as an odd need; he hadn't expected to ever feel…

_Shit!_ Merles voice taunted him in his head, _Don't go tellin' me you got yourself a little school-boy crush now, little brother._

"Shut up!" Daryl instructed the voice in his mind and pushed, deeper into the woodland.

_You have, haven't you?! _Merle chuckled a dirty, loathful sound…

Daryl tried to shrug it off… and failed.

_You there messin' your pants over Mrs Priss… _Merle chortled, _Like she'd ever loosen up enough to suck you off, even._

"Hey!" Daryl snapped, "Don't you go talkin' on her like that!"

_Dry, old dutchess ain't never gonna let you even suck a titty and you-_

"Enough!"

Birds scattered from the tree above him as he whirled about, pointlessly; knowing the voice of his brother was only the worst part of himself…

Still… Merle remained silent.

And good riddance.

Daryl spotted a clearing with a house and made his way toward it…

Damn! He had to get his head straight.

But even this – even searching like this… why was he out in the middle of nowhere?

Was it any better than being back there?

He'd always been on the outskirts of everything; couldn't connect.

So what was he doing with Carol?

Why couldn't he seem to leave her alone?

He'd been so mixed up in thinking about staying the night in the Winnebago that he had almost gone on autopilot… moving through the house and spotting the signs that there had been someone there before he had arrived… a very small someone…

Could it be..?

And as he left the house with a new hope filling his heart he saw them… white roses…

God! She was alive… she had to be!

He had to get back and tell Carol!


	2. Blooms

_Dumb red-neck! _Merle reprimanded as Daryl left the RV.

And he knew his brother was right.

What was he about, bringing the woman a flower?

He told her about the Cherokee rose and how it meant hope; he just prayed it wasn't a harbinger.

Carol listened, not being able to answer for tears…

Daryl couldn't take it and tried again to comfort her, telling her Sophia would like the Winnebago now it was clean… but she said nothing…

He wasn't helping, so he left, closing the door behind him and immediately hearing his brother.

_She just lost her child,_ Merle continued, _and you're bringin her blooms like a frickin' sophomore._

"Shut-up," he hissed at the voice, turning to walk into the forest.

But he was stopped by Carol calling his name…

He turned back to the door as it opened…

Carol smiled the moment their eyes met; Daryl tried to catch the strings of his soaring heart.

"Thank you," she said, shyly curling her shoulders and inching a little closer to deliver an unexpected and appreciated kiss on his forehead…

Daryl fumbled for words, so said all he could say… "Stop…" There was no need to thank him, he was glad to help her… he would happily search to the ends of the earth if it meant bringing her little girl back.

He hoped she could see that in his eye.

Part of him thought she did; because she gave a honey-sweet smile and closed the RV door.

Daryl lingered a moment in the warmth, as good as the sun had been through the window that morning gone by…

Then the chuckling began again in his head… _Honey-sweet? You fucking pussy._

Daryl huffed and turned toward the farm.

A horse. He figured he needed a horse…

()()()

So, it turned out that taking an arrow, nearly drowning, having a walker munch on the leather of your right toe-cap and then being grazed by a bullet to the temple constituted a really, _really _bad day.

But the hours kept passing and the days rolled on, so Daryl figured it was nothing to think on all that much.

Hershel had cleaned him up some and now he was resting in bed, mulling over where that river would lead him once he was able to get out there searching again.

And no matter the injuries, blood loss or pain… he figured it was curing… like steel; making him stronger.

Now he was stronger, he could head out again and find the little girl who owned the doll he found. He was going to find Sophia… and he had to track the river…

Daryl was that deep in thought he hadn't noticed the door open behind him until Carol came into the room and he whipped up the covers over his back before she noticed him move…

"How are you feeling?" She asked, holding a tray of food for him.

But, too embarrassed that she may have seen his back as he turned, he quickly dismissed, "About as good as I look," and hunkered down in the bed, wishing she would leave before asking…

"I brought you some dinner," she said, and he turned to her voice, seeing the plate of food and only wanting her to go and save his embarrassment… but she added, "You must be starving."

What could he say? He just wanted her to go and not to see him like this… broken and useless to her and her daughter…

But as he shifted in the bed he was aware of Carol leaning down to deliver a kiss to his torn temple…

The feel of her cool lips pressing the bandage made him pause and in that split-second acknowledge the want for that connection; with that knowledge came the fear of being that close to someone…

So as she pulled away from the gesture, all he could mumble was, "Watch it on the stitches."

_Smooth, slick… _Merle sneered in his head, _you finally get an in and-_

"I need to tell you something," Carol said.

And he couldn't help but turn to listen…

"You did more today for my little girl than her daddy did for her in his whole life…"

_Ha!_ Merle laughed, _she thinks you're a fine man…_

Daryl cringed, turned away and covered the duvet over himself, "I didn't do anything Rick or Shane wouldn't have done."

"I know," Carol said quickly. "You're every bit as good as them. Every bit."

The door closed.

What was he doing?

What the hell was he doing?

()()()()

Fuck that asshole, Shane, anyway! What the hell did he know about survival?

Sure, he was a cop. Big, fucking whoop.

Like those pansy-ass bastards ever had to want for anything.

Goddamn badge boy didn't have a clue.

And Carol… fucking Carol… She'd just gone ahead and taken it all away.

All of it.

She'd given up.

Given up on Sophia.

Given up on the chance he might find her.

And what was worse… he'd lost his temper; the one and only thing he'd inherited from his deadbeat father… only part of himself he hated. And when he said hated he meant in the whole sense of loathing and fear.

It made him a different man; a man he had been running from since before he knew there was any light in him.

Was there light in him now?

He had lashed out and called her a dumb bitch… Dumb for giving up on him and Sophia…

But the sound of her footfalls following him halted and he hadn't the patience in that moment to turn back,

_Had to have hurt her, a comment like that_, Merle observed, _given what her white-trash husband used to say…_

The comment made Daryl fall to his knees and, before he knew it he was screaming to the sky before collapsing on the ground.

…

_Hey…_

…_._

_Hey, dummy…_

"Not NOW Merle!"

…

_Yeah, well… I ain't got forever…_

Daryl heard himself growl.

_Now you just stop that boy and do one thing for me…_

Grudgingly, he agreed, "What?"

_Look up._

Daryl groaned.

But a promise was a promise… and when he looked up, his chest began to swell…

Roses.

Cherokee roses filled the bush.

There was hope! God, he had known that!

And before he had registered the movement, he found himself running back to the camp and battering on the door of the RV…

Carol opened the door, brow furrowed in confusion as Daryl held out his hand in offering.

She paused a moment, doubtless considering their meeting earlier but something in her eye hardened… and she reached out to take his hand.

A little too enthusiastically, Daryl pulled her along until she followed him.

When they reached the lakeside he looked to the flowers and announced, "We'll find her."

She smiled; the expression erasing any anger, any pain… anything that seemed to hurt before as she looked from him to the blooms.

So he took the chance to say he was sorry for what he'd said, fully expecting a mouth-full… but she forgave him for the simple fact he wanted to look for her little girl…

And then she asked, "Why?"

Daryl felt himself frown but she seemed genuinely confused, "All this time, I just wanted to ask you…"

What could he say?

He wanted that little girl to be alive. He wanted her mother to have hope and smile again. Because the world was shitty enough without that extra pain. And maybe, just maybe, "'Cause I think she's still out there."

And that was worth everything.

So while Carol looked him in the eye and let his affirmation breathe flame onto her lapsed faith, Daryl tried to stop the swell of emotion swirl up in his chest…

_Gods-damn… do I hear violins?_

Cursing Merle, Daryl quickly added, "Truth is… what else have I got to do?"

And even though he could see her watching him from the corner of his eye, he saw her move forward and take a petal to touch… "We'll find her," she confirmed, "we will."

Finally! There was a little relief.

Daryl found himself smiling…

And Carol knew… "I see it."

Perhaps she did… perhaps she saw more than what he was saying.

But for now, Daryl was comfortable knowing she was beside him by the lake, looking at the flowers and sharing that moment…

Whatever else was coming for them, they had this moment; long may it last.


	3. Loss

She hadn't spoken in hours.

Just sat there… staring out the window of the RV…

There was nothing he could think of saying to ease any of the hundreds of thoughts in her head; all those things she must have been thinking about her daughter and that barn and all the days spent searching and hoping and praying…

From where Daryl sat he could see her mind working; whirling so fast that it blurred out into a kinda white noise, leaving her with nothing.

He hoped it wouldn't break her.

He wouldn't let it break her.

What could he do? There was nothing to do. He had caught her when she ran to the moving body of her dead daughter; stopped her from sharing Sophia's fate by holding her there and catching her when she fell.

Daryl had felt her tears wrack through her and shake into him… there was no comfort to be offered; no soothing words to be said.

Sophia was dead.

The world had come crashing in with a shock of earth and sky crushing them.

A shot rang out to toll the end.

Then silence.

And when Carol began to move in his grip, he urged her away from what he knew she would see, telling her, "Don't look."

But the advice only made Carol struggle all the more, lashing out against his embrace until he let her go to see the despair they both felt… and then she turned and ran.

He knew where she would go; there was nowhere else to go…

So for now, or however long it was going to take, he would let her have silence and sit with her while she felt like she had no one in this world… because when she came out of all of the storm up inside her head she would know that she had never been alone at all… not while he was there.

The sound of someone entering the Winebego didn't' make him turn away – nothing would.

"They're ready," Lori said.

For the funeral… shit.

Daryl looked to her, but Carol shook her head.

"Come on…" Lori insisted – insensitive bitch.

"Why?" Carol asked, her voice hollow…

_Oh please…_ Daryl thought, _no…_ "Cause that's your little girl," he explained…

"That's not my little girl…" the words were so cold as she confirmed, "That's some other… thing."

And, he supposed she wasn't wrong; it just hurt to see her admit it…

"My Sophia was alone in the woods."

Daryl thought of the roses… fucking harbingers…

"All this time I thought…"

_Please don't… _

"She didn't cry herself to sleep," Carol nodded. "She didn't go hungry. She didn't try to find her way back…" Carol took a breath and concluded, "Sophia died a long time ago."

The words hit the air and ricocheted about the RV, puncturing him in a thousand different ways…

Lori left…

Daryl bled.

How could it have come to this?

How did everything right in life turn to ash?

A little girl died… when men like him got to live…

It wasn't right.

And he couldn't make it right.

So he stood and left.

There was nothing else to be done.

What was the point in any of it?

()()()()

Another night closed in… Daryl was thinking about leaving. There was no real point in staying, after all. There was no point to anything; he'd been having a good think on it since leaving Carol in the RV.

The others seemed to think the world had changed; but to him it seemed just as rough and jagged as it ever had.

He had hoped…

Daryl huffed into the air.

Hope.

What was the point?

_Hooo-eee! Did you fuck up, son!_ Merle commented, delight in his voice, _should have known aint nobody worth it in the end._

Daryl shifted, as if the motion would cause the words to roll off him like rain water…

_You let them in… let them under your skin… Hell! Even thought you was one of them!_

"Shut-up," he said, stoking the fire.

…

It wasn't going to last…

…

_Just you and me now, baby brother._

"It's just me and me," Daryl corrected, "you're dead."

_Think a little thing like death means I'm gonna leave you all alone? _Merle sniffed in derision, _ain't never gonna happen…_

Then he heard the footfalls running toward him from the farm and before he turned he heard Carols voice, "We can't find Lori…"

What? Why in the hell was she on about that when she wouldn't even talk about her daughter?

Daryl angered, so didn't even bother turning to her.

"And the others aren't back yet either."

He couldn't ignore the concern in her voice, wanted to but couldn't, so responded, "Dumb bitch must have gone off looking for them."

_Shouldn't have told her that, little brother._

"What?" Carol asked, obviously surprised.

Merle was probably right, because now he had to explain, "Yeah, she asked me to go…" and he turned to her… "told her I was done being an errand boy."

"And you didn't say anything?"

The surprise in her voice made him squirm a little.

_Why are you itchin' all over? _Merle asked. _You didn't owe Olive Oil nothin'. You don't owe this crone an explanation!_

And while he didn't like Merle calling on Carol… he was determined not to be persuaded to risk his life for someone who was so quick to risk the lives of others for her own convenience.

Carol sighed in disbelief and began to move away, halting after just a few feet.

Why wouldn't she just leave? He was happy to just be let be…

"Don't do this," she said in a quiet voice. "Please…"

Daryl closed his eyes, trying to block out her voice… he couldn't take it!

"I've already lost my girl…"

Oh! That was it! He stood, "And that wasn't my problem neither."

And it hurt… it hurt to think on that little girl all alone when she died and how scared she must have been… and it hurt to think if he had just found her trail or thought on which way she might have headed or just spent one more hour looking instead of sleeping or eating or daydreaming of…

"What are you doing?" He spat at Carol as she watched him pace.

"Keeping an eye on you," she answered, as though it was obvious… and innocent…

He didn't want her help, nor did he ask for it… he couldn't help her, after all… she didn't let him. He hadn't been allowed to comfort her, but here she was… selfless and passive and comforting… "Ain't you a peach," Daryl seethed.

"I'm not going to let you pull away," Carol told him, not realising she was the reason for it. "You've earned your place."

His place? What was she even about? And he angered again, "If you spent half your time mindin' your daughters business instead of sticking your nose into everybody elses, she would still be alive!"

That should have worked... should have hurt and sent her packing…

But she was still there, haloed in the tree-broken moonlight and gazing at him with wide, ocean eyes…

"Go ahead," she said.

?

"Go ahead and what?" He asked before seeing her body tighten as she set her stance… She was expecting a blow! A body punch or slap to the jaw. What had she ever thought about him to think that was what he needed?!

The outrage and disgust that filled him was a bitter taste in his mouth as he let the rage take and asked, "Man, just go!" Why was she even still here? To be hit? To think he would strike her! She never knew him at all… and he couldn't stand to see her, "I don't want you here."

But she stayed… silent and watching…

What did she want?! "You're a real piece of work, lady."

So why was it bothering him? Usually, at this point, people would leave… well, except that councillor in school… oh! That was it! "What? Are you going to make this about my Daddy or some crap like that?"

Still, she said nothing; where he had probably said far too much… had to cover his tracks! "Man, you don't know jack."

And why was it all about him anyway…

"You're afraid," Daryl said, wanting her to leave. "You're afraid 'cause you're all alone..." There was a flash in her eye and he knew he had made an impact... "Ain't got no husband…" No effect… "No daughter," strike two...

And while it should have felt like a victory, it actually hollowed him out a little more… but he had to carry on, or she would never go…

"You don't know what to do with yourself..."

And she angled her head so that he could see her blue eyes clearly… and he felt himself falter… she was here for him… doing what she had to to bring him back…

Except he wasn't ready, and she shouldn't be there, and… "Hey, you ain't my problem!"

And he wasn't hers! And… "Sophia wasn't mine!"

So why did it hurt?

Why was it all so mixed up?

If that little girl was alive then maybe – no! No! She was gone because, "All you had to do was keep an eye on her!"

And she was still stood there; tense against what she thought was coming, so he kicked his boot in the sand as though he was aiming a strike at her…

And she took it…

She just took it…

What was happening?

Then a sob ripped through her and she looked at him

"Yeah…" she agreed.

Had she needed to hear that from someone else?

Had she needed to let the words hit the air for them to dissipate?

Was that why she was there? Because he would sound the truth they both knew and then they could heal?

But it hurt so badly…

And she felt it too… unflinching and staring down the truth to the end… she needed to hear it.

Had he needed to say it?

But now he saw the tears tracking down her face and felt moments away from his own… but as his throat dried out and he struggled to begin to even form what to think, let alone say, he moved toward her…

And Carol let him… let him get that close that they were practically nose-to-nose…

So when her eyes met his, there was only one thing for Daryl to do…

He bent to her and placed his lips on hers…

The small gasp she gave drew the air from his lungs but she still didn't move…

And Daryl felt his body move closer to hers, pressing together, chest to chest, thighs to thighs… but he still didn't place hands on her… just let them both adjust to the moment.

When it was done, he drew back to see her startled expression.

He couldn't explain it either.

Then Carol turned to leave…

()()()


	4. Changes

Daryl knew where they all were right now – he was on the outskirts, but he still kept an eye.

They were in the farm house deciding about the fate of that kid they brought back from the town last night… Randall…

Part of him was comfortable just fading away from them all and letting them be.

Another part of him felt he should be there.

That's why it was no surprise that he was climbing the stair to the farm house and heading through the door only ten minutes later; there was no surprise that the first person he noticed and the first person that noticed him was Carol.

Awkwardly, he dipped his eyes to acknowledge her and immediately felt a flush on his cheeks as she smiled and he remembered how she had smiled after he kissed her…

It was a small, pleased, beautiful smile that consumed his thoughts for hours afterward and successfully stole his concentration now.

What was he doing?

There they were, surviving and making the decisions on someones life… here he was, thinking of how he should have said something to bring her back to him.

_And then what? _Merle asked, _What was you going to do, Slim? Kiss her again? _

Maybe…

_Catch a quick feel?_

Shut-up.

_Well?_

Daryl looked over to her… concentrating on every word with such concern…

Maybe.

But that was the meeting over and Carol was suddenly heading his way, causing the cold bite of fear to tingle over his skin…

There was only one thing to do.

Daryl ran.

()()()

He tried to hide the swagger as he approached the group.

Finally, he had gotten a job he knew he could do… the sting in his knuckles told him he was good at it as he closed on Rick and the others, trying his best not to look at the disappointment on Carols face.

"Your boy there's got a gang," he explained, "thirty men. They got heavy artillery and they aint lookin' to make friends."

The group was silent; all that could be heard were the restless rustling of crickets and Daryl tried hard not to look her way… had to keep his head in the game… where was he..?

"They roll through here," he continued, "our boys are dead and our women are going to wish they were…"

And while the others absorbed what he said he simply couldn't help it… he gave a sideways glance, startled to see Carol already watching him…

His heart fluttered in his chest and he gulped down the sensation, recognising a familiarly bitter look of disappointment in her eye.

And the wonderful, light feeling in his chest shrived, fell in on itself becoming heavy in his stomach.

She knew; knew what he had done to get the information out of Randall… knew what he did was wrong…

And when her eyes met his he realised she was disappointed because she knew he was better than his actions; so he was ashamed.

"What did you do?" She asked… rubbing salt in the wound.

But he didn't have to explain; the blood on his knuckles did it for him, so he replied, "We had a little chat." Then he moved out of the centre to shift their eyes from him.

The others talked about a next move as Carol walked away…

He didn't really hear the rest of the conversation, he just nodded and grunted where he supposed he should until people started leaving…

Would things ever be right again after Sophia?

Could they be?

()()()

_That's the world going to hell again little brother_, Merle told him as he watched the barn burn to the ground… _Ain't nothin' here no more._

So much for home.

One night had changed everything.

Perhaps it was better.

Get away from the farm and that damned barn where Sophia had been for so long…

Stop brooding will you! Merle moaned, You get so quiet and moody when you're like this and you should be high-tailing it down the freeway to the next place.

Daryl felt his head shake; there aint no way he was leaving until he was sure she was out… and he hadn't seen her get out yet…

_If she ain't out by now, she's dead,_ Merle told him.

But Daryl didn't believe that… she was a survivor.

And as the flames consumed the barn, Daryl watched in the hope that it burned away all the pain he had felt since setting eyes on the damned place…

A cry in the night caught his ear and he jerked his head in the direction of the sound…

There was so much noise…

_Nah, man, that was different!_ Merle informed, excitedly, _sounded like your girl…_

Daryls foot kicked the stand and cranked the bike into action and was off down the track in a hot-second!

Amongst the undead screams and gurgles of rotting throats, her calls were a beacon and he tried to concentrate on her, rather than letting himself feel the true joy of seeing her…

_She's lookin' rough, brother,_ Merle warned…

He was right – she was staggering away from a crowd of walkers, rapidly losing energy…

God but he was so happy to see her!

_Focus!_ Merle shouted in his head, _She's alive and that's great; think flowers and fluttering hearts later… she ain't gonna be alive if you don't get her the hell outta here right now!_

And he was right; so he pulled up as close as he could and yelled, "C'mon! Ain't got all day!"

_Smooth, slick…_

But it worked, because she was staggering his way until he reached out and swung her into the back of the bike and felt her small hands grip about him…

Despite himself, his chest swelled with pride; he had saved her…

_Yeah, yeah… C'mon Superman, get your hero-butt outta there before some biters make you a round of human carpaccio…_

So they were dust…

And they were alive!

Though he must have driven for hours, it felt like minutes as Carols heat spread through his back as her breath warmed his neck and he flew down the road, avoiding walkers, dead cars and anything else that dropped in their path.

_So… where you headed cowboy? _Merle asked…

Perhaps nowhere… Perhaps he wanted to let this brilliance last a while longer… because, ss vulnerable as they were at this point, he felt on top of the world.

_Gonna have to pull yourself together eventually…_

Why?

They got out… she was alive, her heat at his back as she gripped him tightly and folded into him…

Man! It felt good.

_And what if they got out?_

Daryl sighed… Merle was right…

He turned the bike… Carol had no objections… she had, slowly, graduated from a discreet hold on his leathers to a firmer, more claiming hug around his chest and back.

God! Daryl tried not to love it – she was only riding on a bike after all – but that feeling made his insides melt… the idea of the hot breath on his neck-

_Focus!_

Jeeze… Merle just hated the moment to not be about him…

_Not that, dummy!_

No?

_No, _his brothers voice insisted… _What's that ahead?_

Ah… crap…

Back to reality as he noticed the zig-zagging tail-lights on the road… He'd found Glenn! Outline of the truck matched the one the kid liked so damned much… And the kid was freaked… God-damned truck was weaving about in front of them… so he pulled along-side.

Carol gave an excited yell and tightened her grip… so the save was worth it…

And as much as he tried to hate the idea it wasn't just the two of them any more, he couldn't.

Because they all might have gotten out…

They could all be alive.

And he loved that thought…

_Thought I was all you ever needed, _Merle asked…

Once, that had been so much more than true… but now?

Carol held him close and yelled against the wind… "You found them! We can make it…"

_We can make it?_ Merle asked…

Yes… they could…

So Daryl signalled Glen.

And they headed back to the only place any of them would think of heading…

To the freeway they found before the farm.

And to the future.

()()()

Currently, the future meant another stretch on the road… and after Rick had admitted holding a pretty damned, honking big secret on them al; the fact they were all infected and now everyone walked again after death…

_Don't bother you though_, Merle observed.

Daryl felt himself shrug… once he was done being alive, it didn't bother him if he went on autopilot… he just hoped he would never hurt anyone.

Even hours later, huddled about a fire within a crumbling ruin, he dwelled on the idea.

Perhaps it had bothered him.

"We're not safe with him," Carols words drew his attention, "keeping something like that from us…"

It wasn't true, so Daryl didn't answer as Carol gave a cautious check to ensure their privacy…

"Why do you need him? He's just going to pull you down…"

That wasn't fair either, "Nah…" he disagreed, "Rick's done alright by me…" and he kind-of understood his reasons for not wanting to scare people.

"You're his henchman," she countered, sounding sickened at the thought, "and I'm a burden…"

That definitely got his attention; he had never considered her a burden…

"You deserve better," Carol finished.

What the hell was she… "What do you want?"

"A man of honour," her eyes flicked to him and away again…

She wasn't serious! "Rick has honour."

Carol frowned.

He almost hoped she would suggest running away together, but they both knew that being alone in the world wasn't an option any more…

So they spent the rest of the night in silence; never far from one another but not acknowledging the conversation had ever taken place.

They went through the winter that way; walking, hunting and living within earshot of each other…. And as the temperatures fell and winter set in they found comfort in the night by sleeping back-to-back… and if one should turn into the embrace of the other in the night, then it was accepted as a comfort and a small joy in a jagged world.

Daryl enjoyed those moments in the dream-haze of sunrise as he flexed his arms to find Carol snuggled into the protection of his frame.

But, like all dreams, it had to end; they had reached the prison.


	5. Cages

They had done it! The prison was theirs!

Once it had sunk in, Daryl punched the air in victory as he heard Carol laugh…

They turned to each other, gun and crossbow forgotten as they clumsily hugged, squeezing each other before drawing only an inch away…

Daryl froze…

They were so close.

The light in Carol's eyes changed from joy to something a little more indescribable, which made him suddenly afraid.

"Are…" she whispered, fluttering her eyes and wetting her lip with her tongue… the motion stirring within him… "Are you ok?"

He had to bite back his fear; never done him no good in life to this point and wasn't about to start.

"I'm good," he told her, trying to keep the shiver from his voice…

She regarded him…

_She don't believe you…_ Merle stated…

Daryl didn't suppose she did…

_Why don't you let her show you a thing or two?_

Would that actually be such a bad thing? He could just reach forward and kiss her then let the adrenaline pumping through their veins do the rest.

Especially when she was gazing at him like that; like he was the only perfect thing in this messed up world…

A shot rang out below them and Daryl startled, entirely breaking the moment… "We should get down there."

Carol ran her hands down her clothes, breathing in deeply and nodding in agreement.

They left the watchtower.

()()()()

The prison lawn seemed secure enough; nevertheless, Daryl had set up his camp on the upturned bus not too far away from the campfire, but granting enough distance to let him alone to his own thoughts.

Thoughts that were so mixed up that he could hardly tell which one he should face first.

Then there was Carol.

He thought of her more and more each day…

Damned near drove him crazy…

But it seemed that, no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't leave her alone.

He couldn't explain it.

And what was more… she didn't seem to want to leave him alone either…

That's when he heard her climbing up the coach-frame; bringing with her a plate…

"It's not much," she apologised immediately, "but I knew if I didn't bring you something you wouldn't eat at all…"

Daryl appreciated it; he knew she was right… so he happily threw the cooked goods into his mouth and figured he should make a comment… something funny to break the moment…

He had it! "Yeah… I guess little Shane over there has got quite the appetite," he snickered.

Carol huffed a laugh before reprimanding, "Don't be mean…" She turned to look about the group at the camp… "Rick's gotten us a lot further than I ever thought he would, I'll give him that."

Daryl huffed, supposing it was as close as she was ever going to get to an apology for what she had said about the man before they had arrived at this place…

But Carol suddenly darkened, muttering, "Shane could never have done that."

Didn't need to tell him that! Daryl had never trusted that home-wrecking, self-important scmuck!

Before his internal rant could honestly take hold, Carol rolled her shoulders, angling her head in discomfort… causing him to ask, "What's wrong?"

She shook off the moment, explaining, "That rifle… the kickback…" she gripped her on shoulder, rolling it against her hand for some small relief, "I'm just not used to it…"

Shooting wasn't an easy thing to get used to… he remembered his experience was like being kicked in the shoulder by a mule…

Best thing for him was when his mom had given his sore muscles a rub… sooo…

"C'mere…" he mumbled, slightly embarrassed but determined to help; setting down his plate, cleaning his fingers and roughly turning her away to work on the tight tendons and sinews in her shoulder…

She let him work his fingers about her, feeling the muscle tense and relax as she breathed into the air… he had found a tight cluster only a few inches down from her neck that he pressed into, relentlessly rubbing the tension away and hearing her quietly sigh at the release…

He felt a small smile on his face as his fingers hardened at the point of her pleasure, kneading the knot in her shoulder until she sighed again, a little more audibly…

It made him feel good; made him feel…

Shit! What was he doing?!

His fingers stilled.

The blush hit his cheeks as he realised he was enjoying the moment a little too much and distracted, "We better get back."

Carol smiled to herself and turned a little toward him; Daryl tried not to betray himself… but he couldn't meet her eye…

"It's pretty romantic," she said quickly, turning to him and flicking her eyes over his frame and sucking in her cheeks… "Screw around?"

Daryl felt a stone in his throat! He couldn't breathe, let alone swallow in order to answer and he was certain his eyes were bulging! So, in a panic, he blew a derisive sound… hoping the gut-wrenching feeling in his stomach would abate…

Thankfully, Carol began to laugh…

So she was joking?

_I don't think she was joking, little brother…_ Merle sounded in his head, _should have jumped at the chance… gonna take her some time before another offer like that…_

Fuck off Merle!

He had to get out of there… leave the confusion behind… so he bent to crawl down the bus announcing, "I'll go down first."

"Even better!" Carol cried happily.

Daryl almost chocked on his words… what could he say? There was only one thing he could plead… "Stop…"

And she did…

_Should have let her explain a little more…_

Shut up Merle!

_Here's hoping you don't regret it, little brother…_

()()()

Why was it that this was all he seemed to know these days?

Daryl reveled in the thrill of danger; he was acclimatized to it… it focused him, made him sharp and gave him purpose. It was the only reason he was of any use to the crew he had around him; only thing Rick really needed him for.

It was a simple thing, move, control, contain and secure… In another life he may have taken this skill to a professional level… maybe the army… but you only get one shot and his was pretty rotten as it was.

So, he figured, this was the next best thing.

Disaster; walkers had invaded the prison somehow… locate, destroy and make everyone he had grown used to safe.

He almost didn't have to think about it… until he saw it lying in the middle of the floor in the bowels of the prison.

Such a small thing… but it shattered his resolve far more effectively than any rampaging hoard of zombies could.

After finding T-Dog not a few meters away, the sight of Carols abandoned headscarf shook him… it was hard to even process what he was feeling.

She had to be near… had to be.

That's when he heard the metallic thunking of a door being endlessly pushed and bouncing back off the thigh of a corpse. The room was blocked… but there was almost certainly a walker behind the door…

The silk of Carols scarf tightened as Daryls hand squeezed into a fist… it couldn't be her, could it?

_You're going to have to see…_

Daryl felt his head shake…

_You ain't gonna wanna leave her like that if it's true…_

He couldn't! Couldn't think on it… not at that moment…

_You'll have to face it, little brother._

Not now!

And as he moved through the rest of the crisis, he tried not to think of the scarf now tucked safely into his pocket but it was almost impossible not to wonder and fear…

All it would have taken was for a lucky son-of-a-bitch to sneak up on him in that moment and he would have been a gonner…

But the end of the crisis came with the surprise revelation of sabotage and betrayal… and that little shit, Andrew, had caused all of the death and pain.

They buried T-Dog, Lorrie and Carol later that day… the others had headed inside.

Daryl couldn't process it all, but the next day arrived and he found himself stood at the unmarked and empty grave of Carol Peletier… Didn't seem right.

She had been through so much and faced every challenge… to be taken away over revenge against someone else…

Carol hadn't even been found. Part of him hated that. He knew that, at some point, he would see her again. But when he did see her those blue eyes that sparkled when they turned to him would be dull and lifeless, her skin would be sallow and grey and she wouldn't know she had ever been the one person that made Daryl Dixon feel like a real person…

He should have told her while he'd had the chance.

Shouldn't have let anything stop him.

He was scared; who wasn't scared.

That's why he was here, staring at the blank wooden cross that marked her memory. He hoped he could finally manage to say the words to her in death he had never said in life… but being close to someone, caring that way… it was never something could face.

Having someone to care for only meant you lost that bit more when they went away.

So he was caught; wanting and not wanting… and he still managed to lose.

The flower in his hand was soft, the great, white petals of the Cherokee rose offered little comfort as he laid it down on Carols grave. Seemed like it was the least he could do.

Daryl sniffed back the feelings running through him and laughed a little, wondering where the hell Merle was when he needed him…

_Right here, little brother._

Then why don't you say something.

Merle was silent a moment, _What do you want me to say?_

I don't know, Daryl toes the dry mud at the graveside, tell me I'm full of it and that she was just some doll I coulda done without saving time and again and that I don't owe her nuthin' and that feelin' sorry for somethin' we never have won't change nuthin'.

Merle was quiet again…

Say somthin'… Daryl pleaded.

_I'll miss her too._

Tears sprang up in Daryls eyes… He didn't know how to deal with this…

_C'mon,_ Merle suggested, _I have an idea on what we can do…_

Daryl already knew what he was going to suggest… it was his brain, afterall…

_Let's go kill some walkers!_

And, with that, Daryl headed back to the prison.

()()()


	6. Cherokee

The knife dug into the ground; it was small in his hand, but still dangerous… just like she had been.

_Don't think on that right now…_

Daryl blew a breath through his nose… no, he shouldn't be thinking like that… had to take a step back…

He brought the blade back down on the stone floor… cause that's what he had to do… just keep stabbing until it was dead; keep going until it didn't move any more.

_It ain't really her, _Merle reminded him, _it's just wearing her face… she died and this thing crawled into the space she left behind…_

She was dead…

A sob broke through Daryls chest…

He had known this day might come… every clearance he did in the prison block, he had prepared himself to meet the reanimated Carol Peletier and figured that she would probably be intent on ripping him apart…

Daryl figured he'd have been able to do it then… heat of the moment and life-or-death.

This was, somehow, worse.

They hadn't come across Carol's body and there was only one room left…

He stabbed at the ground again…

_You can do this, boy!_

He gave an exaggerated huff, trying to clear his lungs and work himself up… because he could do this; he had to do this… he would want her to do this for him…

The knife drove into the floor…

She would do it for him – she wouldn't let him turn, so he was going to do this…

The last door in the prison pushed open and shut against the fallen body blocking it… open and closed, open and closed…

Stab the floor; think of Carol...

Open and closed…

He could do this for her…

Stab the floor; go for the brain…

Open and closed…

_You can do this boy…_

Breathe and stab the floor…

Open and closed…

She needed him one last time…

Open and closed…

Stab the floor… stab the wall…

_Get it done!_

Daryl cried out… stabbing the wall as he dragged himself to his feet and kicked the door in rage…

_You can do this!_

Open and closed…

Pace and think; go for the brain…

_It ain't her…_

He was ready…

The body was easy to move and Daryl grabbed the door, ripping it open, fully prepared for the rush of the undead, desperate to tear into him…

It never came.

…

Then he saw movement…

Carol was slumped in the doorway, blinking up at him, hardly aware…

Daryl tried to stop the sick feeling in his stomach working its way up his throat; she was alive?!

Before he knew it, his hand was out to touch her face and make sure he wasn't dreaming…

_Check she ain't a biter, dummy!_

Daryl startled; moving the tender touch into more of an inquisitive check of her skin and eyes… perfect peach and bright blue, if a little dazed and weak.

She was alive!

_Woooohoooo!_ Merle hollered in his ear, _Well, what are you waitin' for, boy? Get her back to the cell block and get the lady some water!_

"I got you," he told her.

Carol didn't say a word, just smiled and hugged herself tighter into his frame as he lifted her from the floor, feeling ten feet tall… and anything could have happened at that moment because he felt invincible, not even recalling how he had gotten them back to the cell block and into a chamber as he laid her on a bed and sank to the ground beside her, stroking her face…

"You need anythin'?" He asked…

She shook her head, leaning to his touch…

It melted him inside; she needed to feel him there more than anything else in that moment.

Daryl draped himself on the side of the bed, gazing into those blue eyes, so unbelievably grateful just to look at her and see her there instead of the creature he was expecting to see.

After a time, she stirred and brushed her cheek against his fingers as they stroked her face… she swallowed hard and opened her eyes to ask… "Water…"

He was on his feet in an instant, placing a kiss on her forehead in an apology for having to leave as he rushed to the taps, grabbing a plastic cup and filling it…

When he got back to the bed, Carol was trying, and failing, to sit up… so, clumsily, Daryl scooped her forward on the bed and clambered in behind her… allowing her to rest back on his body…

Made the most sense, he thought to himself as she wriggled back into him and he guided her hands around the beaker to bring the water to her lips…

_Damned comfortable too, I'll bet!_

Daryl grinned in response to Merles tone… yeah, it was comfortable… and Carol didn't seem to be complaining as she gulped the water and couched a little…

He tensed his body about hers, leaning her forward and rubbing her back before she settled back into him and he moved the motion to her arms…

_Just hold her, Dummy,_ Merle sighed, _it's all she needs…_

So he listened to his brother and brought his arms around her.

Carol murmured something… and, focused on fetching her whatever she needed, Daryl asked, "What?"

She snuggled back into him and said, "Thank you."

What?

Was she thanking him for her being alive against all odds?

Daryl almost laughed in joy… but couldn't find the words… so squeezed her a little tighter.

He didn't know how long they stayed there like that; could have been hours… but he knew she was asleep and he wasn't going to wake her by moving. In fact, should anyone have noticed his absence, they would have found him asleep, holding a miracle in his arms.

()()()

Daryl woke in Carol's cell not certain how long they had slept for but certain it had been the most restful slumber he had had for weeks.

Still sleeping in his arms, Carol shifted and wriggled back into the warmth of his chest; he tried not to enjoy the sensation too much, knowing that it couldn't always be this way and they would soon be joined by the others and swallowed up in another crisis…

Enjoying it for the moment wasn't really such a bad thing though…

Daryl breathed in and laughed a little; she needed a shower!

Then, he thought, he probably didn't smell all too sweet himself! So what did it matter…

_Maybe you should both have a shower…_

Shut-up Merle!

His brother chuckled in his head… _Just sayin-_

Daryl shook himself, trying to silence Merle… he didn't need to have any other thoughts about the woman in his arms right now; it was enough to have Carol back without trying to push.

Perhaps he was the soft-one his brother always accused him of being.

Perhaps he didn't care how it looked; he wasn't going to let her go until she wanted him to…

"Daryl…" Carol mumbled…

"I'm here," he said into her hair, letting it trace over his lips, glad of the feeling…

"How long..?"

Daryl shrugged, "A while… the others will be back soon…" then he moved a little to try and see her face, "You want to get up?"

"No," she said quickly.

Relief washed through him and he rewarded himself with a little squeeze of her.

Silence again, but he was cool with it; even liked it.

And still, as with everything that was nice and good these days, it ended.

Carol needed food and water, so Daryl fetched them and realized the others had to be near…

So he cleaned himself up some and went in search of them.


	7. Home

The others were just as happy to see Carol as he expected; they all took their turns hugging her close as if the action would make her all the more real to them and dispel any chance she was a ghost or an illusion.

Rick seemed the most grateful for the news.

Carol all-but melted when the baby was brought forward and she immediately took the girl in her arms before looking about for who she expected… but then the realization took hold.

Daryl hated that dawning as she ran the chances in her head and knew that Lori was gone… he wished he had thought to tell her and save her the moment. But he had been so selfish; wanting their time to be only theirs without even the thought of anyone else.

He watched Carol as she turned to Rick… that split-second cracked reality across her expression as showed her sorrow for Lori's death.

Daryl hated to see the pain she was feeling; but this was life now.

In the days that passed, Carol took more and more time helping to look after ass-kicker, finding joy in her new use for the group.

Daryl supposed it was the best focus for her given the horrors of recent days; he had to admit, the role suited her well. He had come close to asking why she had only had the one child, but figured it was a redundant question that only cause more pain.

What did it matter, after all?

Any decisions made in the life people had before day zero had been burned away; all that could be held-to was what people did after the event.

Everyone was born anew… everything burned away and nothing remained.

Daryl supposed that was devastating to some… but for others, it liberated them.

Looking toward Carol he could almost believe things were going to get better; watching her bounce the baby in her arms… she was radiant. So much change in one person in such a short time he had known her.

This crisis had had killed so many… and reinvented others.

Content-filled moments like this were the points in life where Daryl remembered there was some good in life… him and Carol and little ass-kicker were going to be alright… he was gonna make sure of it.

He was happy.

He kinda liked having a baby about the place; brightened the day… and he had always had a knack for settling the little critters when nobody about the place could.

Daryl didn't know why… he could just take a hold of them and they wriggled into his hold like it was the coziest place to be on the planet.

And he had to admit… he wanted to be a father…

It wasn't something his lifestyle back-in-the-day would have really assimilated.

But even he was more to the eye.

Carol saw that.

It was what made him look again at the housewife from Atlanta… it made a connection; there was more to her than even he could have known.

And she asserted there was more to him…

Perhaps these ashes made more of him.

They burned away all else until there was only the core shining through.

Some didn't make it through the crucible.

Others did.

Each time he held that little baby he knew a new how lucky he was…

And she saw it too.

Carol was impressed; so much so that sometimes she gifted him with that special kinda smile she saved only for him… that smile that showed her melting with happiness from the inside out; the kinda happiness only he could bring her.

So it was inevitable it would all end… and, of course, it did.

Hours and days of contentment came crashing in when a woman arrived at the gates of their prison with a samurai sword and a shopping basket of baby formula.

At the time, Daryl had only the time focused on healing Carol…

But the bigger picture was the entrance of Michonne.

She brought with her the news of Woodbury and The Governor.

She brought with her the news Glen and Maggie were taken.

And Daryl found himself on the rescue team; cross-bow, knives and attitude ready to go.

As he left the prison he told her, "Stay safe." And he meant it. He had no intention of not comin' back for her and the baby she held in her arms as she waited to wave them off…

"Nine lives, remember," she joked, looking away in an attempt to hide the fear in her eye…

She was worried for him… He felt himself grin and wanted to reach out to her… but she shifted the baby in her arms and he realized that any gesture he made now would be as awkward as he felt…

So he left. They had to rescue Glen and Maggie…

Or, at least… that had been the plan…

()()()()

Daryl knew he owed his brother; he had always looked up to Merle… and, until a few months ago, his big brother had always been the one that looked out for him.

_That's not true now though, _the Merle in his head admitted. _You got people carin' about you right now back in that prison… people who looked up to you, needed you, supported you… even love-_

How did that work anyways? How comes Merle was alive and well and trailing not three feet in his wake as they clambered through the trees and bushes… but his voice was still in his head, nagging and pestering at him…

A sniff sounded in his head, _Don't hurt none to have a second opinion…_

Yeah… but I got the real thing right here, Daryl thought. That must mean Merle-in-my-head should stop…

_No such luck, son!_

Daryl huffed… real or imagined, Merle never was one to make things easy.

Take now… why did he have to go and hurt Glenn and Maggie? Why did he let the Governor drag him down? Why didn't he see through that rotten son-of-a-bitch and get the hell out of there? World was dark enough without turning that way yourself.

It didn't matter, he supposed; Merle had made his choices and Daryl had to live with them… just like always.

And Daryl lost the people he loved for it… just like always.

On he trudged, deeper into the forest.

It wasn't right.

He was becoming something and somebody… he had had to leave it behind.

Daryl had heard prison changed you, but he had never imagined having to spend any time in one… now he couldn't think of anywhere in the world he would rather be.

It took something big to make him realize he had to go back…

Not Merles usual, half-assed racism… or his repugnant commentary on those that Daryl had grown to love… it was when he hadn't wanted to save the family on the road and it was when he tried to steal their food…

Daryl was outraged.

The world had changed.

And Merle hadn't learned a damned thing.

But Daryl had.

()()()()

Couldn't have been more than a few days, a week at most… but Daryl was back at the prison.

He'd realized that life with his brother wasn't enough and that he'd been a fool for leaving the group… for leaving Carol.

Inside-Merle had retreated into his subconscious after he had made the decision to come home… So that left only his honest-to-God, flesh-and-blood brother who seemed changed by his absence.

When Daryl headed for the prison, Merle followed like a little puppy; whined like one too, but still followed.

Being back was just as he'd expected, though there were some new additions.

His cell was the same as he'd left it and he appreciated that. He hadn't been replaced or his stuff thrown out… this was where he belonged.

Daryl needed that reassurance; needed to know that the choice he made was the right one.

Of course, when he heard her footsteps growing louder he knew he should never have left.

_Play it cool, _he thought, shifting on the bunk and waiting.

Smoothly, slowly, she glided into view, a small smile on her lips at the sight of him.

He tried to seem cool, spending the time wiping clean his arrows… but his heart was racing.

What was he going to say to her… he had to control himself… seem cool and…

She leant against the doorframe, shoulders curving in as she admitted, "I haven't had a chance to say… but I'm glad you came back."

_Think of something to reply… something suave… _He looked about the cell… "To what?" Daryl began, "All of this?"

They laughed and it was enough to make him forget ever being apart…

"This is your home," she said, approaching and taking seat close to him.

He bit down the natural instinct to flee and simply looked at her.

_Think of something to say! _He gulped… he couldn't.

Carols smile had his complete attention

"This is a tomb," he admitted.

The look in her eye changed as she tried to shrug off the comment… "That's what T-Dog used to call it."

Daryl found himself nodding, unable to say anything or do anything but watch as she turned her eyes to him and smiled, "I used to think he was right… until you found me."

That familiar grip tightened about his pounding heart, strangling away any words as the moment locked them both in that second, in that chance…

He smiled…

She felt the same as he did! She thought so much of him.

It was overwhelming…

It was frightening.

He couldn't say a thing. Not a damned thing! He tried to make words, but only managed a huff as he looked away and she read the embarrassment and changed subject.

"He's your brother," she said, her tone changing entirely, "but he's not good for you. Don't let him do you down."

The silence swallowed what had passed before as he knew she was telling him the truth; she wouldn't lie to him, after all.

Merle was a big problem… but he was his brother; what was he supposed to do?

Then she rose her head, her elegant neck stretching out tall, "After all," she said, "Look at how far you've come."

Daryl almost nodded, before looking about the cell and giving her a flat look she seemed to understand…

They were in prison.

They both laughed.

And it was good.

He hoped it would never change.


	8. Rockstar

Daryl made his way down the metal stair and noticed Carol in Merles cell.

He slowed his pace, all senses going on alert; too far away to hear a thing, he noted their bodies… how Carol was curled in on herself, half at an angle… vulnerable.

Merle had spread his legs and leaned in with a predatory smile; he thought he had an advantage.

Daryl watched keenly; he'd seen that look before. It was the look Merle gave when he was assessing prey.

He continued down the stair to the bottom, trying to tune his hearing out of the background noise and hear what was being said.

Damn! He never thought the prison such a loud place to be… but now it was like the middle of a monsoon and, try as he might, he was none the wiser…

Merle would have seen him standing there by now, so he took as much space on the ground as he could and tilted his head to try a little harder to hear them.

But no sooner had he begun to hear faint whispers had Carol stood and bid Merle goodbye before leaving. And Daryl wondered what the hell had been said between them.

If Merle had had any kind of advantage he would have been smiling… but his brother looked pale and distant as his eyes met him…

Daryl narrowed his look, trying to convey the idea that he didn't trust his brother with Carol while trying to ignore the implications of that.

And why should he? He knew how Merle treated the women he had been with through his life.

He supposed it made sense… he never looked up to their mom; the way she let their daddy beat on them all rather than take them away. Merle never understood she could never have ran far enough from their father and so all there was for her was depression. He saw it as weakness and not the slow erosion of a person by abuse.

Merle chose his options and left her, just like every other woman.

Daryl lost her. And that fear of loss kept him from truly growing close to anyone.

He wasn't going to lose another.

If Merle got the idea or not, he didn't know.

He just tried not to think on it too much for the rest of the day.

()()()()

Funny the things you find comfort in.

Daryl had been cleaning Merles bike since sunrise… Least he could do was keep it in good condition… Least he could do...

Must have been near mid-morn by the time he looked up from the oil-soaked rags.

It had been a hell of a few days.

Woodbury. The Governor. All the death…

But the thing that stuck with him most was that his brother was gone.

He still couldn't believe it.

After everything Merle had been through in his life… and he was taken down by that cycloptic bastard. It seemed he had gone to kill the enemy.

_Dumb and suicidal if you ask me_, Merle-in-his-head muttered, sucking his imaginary teeth. _Where'd it get me in the end, little brother? One-way-ticked to the trash pile._

Just like that.

And not just gone, but returned from the dead for Daryl to find before he had to kill him.

_You had to…_ Merle-in-his-head comforted, _And I'd have thanked you for it._

Perhaps.

_Ain't no lie in it… _Merle sniffed again, _don't believe me, then ask your girl…_

God-damn! Merle had noticed Carols approach before he had!

_It's cause you're the only one here, dummy, _Merle laughed, _I'm just back in your head…_

Somehow, that was a comfort.

But Carol was still there… so he had to say it…

"Merle never did nothin' like that his whole life," he admitted.

The silence was nice… calming… just knowing she was there.

"He gave us a chance," she said.

And he smiled inside.

She got it.

The others might not of, but Daryl should have known she understood in the end.

So when she offered her hand to him he couldn't help but accept and she pulled him from the ground.

She was soft and gentle, supporting him briefly and leaving him to his grief.

_Leave it now, _Merle said, _it's looking better than I ever made it. _

Daryl looked over the bike and began gathering his things and headed for his cell.

_What are you doing?_

Heading to my bunk, he thought, sighting Carol just a few paces ahead and making for the outter yard…

_I am telling you now, son, _Daryl stopped mid-track, _you wanna do me one last grace… go ahead and put those things down and go take that hand of hers back._

What…

_Now!_

Before he knew what he was doing, Daryl had fallen in-step with her as they passed through the inner perimeter and looked out over the green and past the fence into the woodland.

She gave him a side-glance and smiled.

It was good.

And they remained there, in that place in the mid-day sun… looking out…

When his fingers brushed hers, he expected her to recoil… but instead her fingers flexed and slid between his until they were palm-to-palm.

_Fits nice and snug, _Merle commented smugly, _I'm gunna sign-out now, little brother… _

And Daryl appreciated that.

Carols fingers tightened on his, spreading the warmth of her hand on his skin.

The sound of all the horrors at their fence melted away as he enjoyed the moment… and it could only be a moment; he knew that.

It was made sweeter and his hand was moved to be closed in both of hers as she pressed into his side.

She smelled husky… he supposed they all did these days.

But it was a good scent; he liked it and even took the risk of moving his hand of her hold to replace it with the other and move his arm about her shoulder.

Carols head fitted neatly beneath his chin, like they were a puzzle being made whole.

They made sense being stood there in the light.

It was good.

So he let it be… while he could.

Let them breathe and be held.

Nothing ever lasted in this world… but he knew there were some things that endured.

What he had to do about them eluded him.

It was enough to have her in his arms.

Enough.

And they remained.

()()()

Weeks passed by; even months.

The prison had become a beacon of hope; they had taken in the lost of Woodbury… takined in the loose stragglers of the worlds end as they passed by.

And Daryl was some kind of council-man.

He found it difficult to adjust to the idea…

But people looked up to him.

Him?!

_Why not? _Merle asked, _Ain't got no creed but your gut, little brother… And you're a good man._

Daryl snorted and made his way to find Carol and lunch for the day in the prisons new al-la-cart canteen…

Still couldn't get used to the 'Morning' Daryl' greetings he received… it was odd that all these people who wouldn't have sneezed on him a few years ago were making time to greet him.

He responded as best he could until he reached her at the counter.

Carol was smiling a secret smile that Daryl understood; she was happy for him.

But he was perplexed…

He needed to say something; he looked about the food… "Smells good," he offered.

"Just so you know…" she grinned, serving a bowl of cooked vegetable and meat, "I liked you first…"

He relaxed; she got it. She totally understood his discomfort.

And she did like him.

It made him blush.

"Stop," he pleaded.

And mercy, as she was… did, giving the sweetest chuckle as she demurely looked away.

He liked the way the smile sat on her lips… the way he had put it there.

Daryl preened… standing that bit taller and pushing out his chest… "You know, Rick brought in a lot of them too…"

She gave a slight shake of her head, "Not recently…" She looked back to the food she was preparing, "Give strangers sanctuary… keeping people fed… you're going to have to learn to live with the love…"

He tried to dismiss with a, "That's right."

But she quickly added, "I need you to see something."

All else dropped from his thoughts… what could be wrong now? Months of peace had to come to an end… nothing lasted…

But Carol calmly called, "Patrick, you wanna take over?"

She hadn't even raised her voice, but the kid at the side who Daryl hadn't even noticed, eagerly answered, "Yes Ma'am."

Daryl startled a little… given his keen senses, he had been so focused on his friend, he hadn't even noticed the kid as he moved to take her space, adjusting his glasses and smiling ear-to-ear…

Quickly finishing his bowl and moving close to Carol, Daryl was caught off-guard by the kid quickly saying, "Mr Dixon?"

Took a moment for Daryl to realise it was for hims.

Merle-in-his-head chortled, _Mr Dixon? Bailiff used to call our Pa that few weeks after he got his pay! _

Daryl looked about and hesitated…

"I just wanted to thank you," Patrick continued, "for bringing that deer in yeaterday…"

Daryl looked to Carol for support… all she did as smile…

"It was a real treat, sir…" the kid continued, "and I'd be honoured to shake your hand…"

_What?_

Not having the first clue, Daryl looked to his hand; covered in food juices…

And did what he could he do?

Licking the remnants from his fingers, surprised the kid didn't recoil from his actions, Daryl accepted his hand in a strong shake…

Damn it, the kid was beyond delighted! Smiling and treating him like a TV star… blushing and gushing… What in the hell was this about?

Daryl couldn't handle it…

He looked to Carol.

And the world was suddenly right.

It was as though everything she had ever told him about his worth was being affirmed and she knew it… Just that smile…

What else was there to do?

He smiled at the kid, extracting his hand… and followed Carol away from the confusion…

_Damn, son! _Merle laughed, _Can I have your autograph?_

Fuck off.

She kept ahead of him, heading to the east of the yard and toward the fence…

Daryl wondered if he could catch up enough to take her hand… he hadn't felt her skin in days and wanted to remember what it felt like…

But she was suddenly saying, "About today…I don't know if we're going to spare a lot of people for the run…"

Damn, he had to focus…

He stuffed another handful of food in his mouth and told her his group was good-to-go, watching as she stopped at the corner of one of the clearer fences…

She told him there had been a build-up… but Daryl was surprised at the number of Walkers gathering at their gate.

Carol ran the numbers… they were surrounded…

He started to think on the problem… think on ways about it… think on how to solve it… think like the dead…

Carol was shrugging at this point and telling him, "It's manageable, but unless we get ahead of it – not for long…"

He agreed…

Then she turned to him and said, "Sorry Pooky…"

A flush rushed through him and he grinned like a school-kid with candy… giving her a shove and moving away before the blood coursing through him turned from his cheeks and moved elsewhere…

He was only a few paces behind him and by his side a lot sooner…

So he figured, why not?

The first stretch of his left hand out toward her searched for contact and recoiled at the feeling of her skin brushing his… but as he tried to snatch away she took hold, spreading her fingers between his as though they should have always fit there.

It was nice.

Made the word about them quiet and blur at the edges…

They walked like that, hand-in-hand, until they had to part and Carol looked to him, a glint in her eye… and he finished his food, handing her the empty bowl and licking his fingers…

Her eyes shot to his lips… and the moment slowed as he sucked the last juice away, pursing as his tongue darted out to taste the last…

They both held themselves there in that breath…

His heart slowed and the moment stretched…

_Why don't you just kiss her?_

Why didn't he? It's not like he hadn't before…

So when his fingers found their way to stroking her cheek, he was surprised he was even in control of himself…

And when she closed her eyes and moved into the touch of him, Daryl couldn't help but breathe out the tension he had felt in the fear of her dismissal as a sigh…

Carols eyes opened a little, misty and content…

Daryl felt a sudden swell.

Could they do this?

Really?

But the look in her eye cooled… and she shifted her face more certainly into his palm, delivering a kiss there before moving away.

Now wasn't the time.

She knew he needed more…

And he did…

Uncomfortably, he moved away… not wanting to, but not knowing how to move it forward…

So he finished his food bowl and handed it over as she smiled, turned and left.

_Perhaps next time will be easier, _Merle consoled.

Easy wasn't a thing these days knew…

Daryl got that.

So did she…


	9. Angel

_Whooooo-eee; never rains but it pours!_ Merle-in-his-head hollered, _now don't you go all explodin' eyes and vomiting blood on me, son!_

Shut-up.

_I mean it… I'm only a part of you and so you got two to think on, you hear?_

Daryl ignored him; there was only one person he was looking for.

And he found her as Hersel walked past him down the corridor.

So there was a virus in the camp… it was a killer… everyone could get it and everyone could die from it. Seemed like Mother Nature was being a vindictive bitch to them at present.

But there was Carol, stood quiet in the hallway.

He made to walk past her, but as he heard Hershel leave he turned and bit his lip to check they were alone and ask, "Are you alright?"

It was the only thing that mattered.

He tried not to think on why he wanted to hide his concern for her from the others…

She turned to him, grave and tense, "I'm worried about Lizzy and Mika." Her eyes dipped slightly, "They were around Patrick."

_Poor kid._

Daryl felt himself nodding and said the obvious, "We all were."

It didn't offer any comfort… so he tried again, "Karen and David are going to be separated… until they feel better…"

"Yeah, right," she dismissed quickly before suddenly startling, "Are you ok?"

Him? Was he ok?

Well… was he?

He supposed he was ok if she was…

Daryl hadn't really thought about it… He shifted uncomfortably and nodded, confirming, "Gotta be."

_Macho idiot, _Merle chided.

Embarrassed; he turned and moved away.

He supposed that had sounded dumb, but there wasn't an option for being anything other than ok; other than ok was dead.

_Best not think on it._

No, but he supposed he had a place to be.

Gotta get the job done…

Everything else could wait 'til he got back.

There would be time.

()()()

It took a while for the words to sink in.

Gone.

Rick just told her she was gone.

Daryl felt his head shake, numb from the neck up and unwilling to process the information.

He had thought when he got back that she would be here waitin' on him with that smile of hers… so when Carol was nowhere to be seen and Rick asked him to come have a word he felt a fierce fear take a hold on his heart.

Then he'd told her she as alive… but in exile.

A sorta desolation replaced the fear.

He looked back to Rick… this man he thought he knew… and there was nothing but that assessing, hard look he sometimes got when he was on alert.

It didn't help; he turned away…

Still nothing… there must be something… some feeling…

Carol had killed Karen and David.

_Damn!_ Merle whistled, _Your girl's got stones…_

Daryl felt his head shake again; he understood her reason. Prevent spread of disease by eliminating the threat.

She had killed them.

_Someone got sense in this outfit, at least._

What was Daryl supposed to do about this?

_Do about it?! _Merle cried out, true-to-form, _Did he mention this to anyone? Did he talk to you about it? I'd punch him right in that pretty-cop-jaw of his!_

Daryl felt his anger build, making his breath short as he swung about and exclaimed, "Man, you couldn't have waited until we got back?!"

Rick reacted as though slapped, "Until Tyreese got back?!"

He had a point. The way the guy had beat-on Rick… Carol wouldn't have stood a chance… but still… "I could have handled that…"

There would have been a way.

For Carol, Daryl would have found a way…

"Hey…" Rick called as he paced away from him, "Hey…"

Daryl turned back, blowing frustration through his nose…

"She killed two of our own," Rick explained, curling in on himself, hand-to-heart… he really hadn't thought he had had a choice… "She couldn't be here."

_Damn… Officer Friendly needs you more than even he knows, Little Brother._

Daryl watched him… Rick was on the raggedy-edge… But hell… What about Carol?!

"She's going to be alright," Rick continued, almost pleading, "She has a car… supplies… weapons…"

Like that meant a damn…

"She's…" Rick stuttered over the sentence, "she's a survivor…"

Fuck.

"Stop saying that like you don't believe it!" Daryl broke, watching him close and seeing him weaken…

He knew it was wrong… he knew there was next-to no chance…

Damn him.

Daryl turned away this time… trying not to let the dread reduce him to tears…

"She did it," Rick asserted to Daryls back, "She said she did it for us…"

Made sense… Daryl turned to him…

"That's what it was in her head," he shook his head, trying to meet his eyes, "She wasn't sorry."

"Sure, that's her…" she wanted to protect the group. Murder though… "But that aint her…"

She wasn't a murderer… and she wasn't a threat.

He didn't know how he felt about her being sent away like that.

And besides that…

"What are we supposed to do about those two girls?"

Who the hell was going to look after the children now?

Rick just huffed, "I told her we'd look after them."

He couldn't help the hate in his eyes at that moment as he sucked on his teeth and smothered the need to punch Rick right-smack in the jaw, just like Merle had said…

Fuck.

The weight of it was starting to weigh on him and he folded on the prison rail…

_World has gone to hell… _Merle sounded, _You've survived it before. You will again._

Had to breathe.

That's all that that he needed right now.

"I haven't told Tyreese yet…" Rick commented, quietly…

Man, he had to be kidding…

"I don't know how he's going to take it…"

Fuck.

Fine.

Fine…

Daryl took a breath… "Let's go and find out."

He shouldered past Rick, still mad as hell for not getting a chance to say goodbye.

As much as he hated sayin' it – it would have been something…

Then again, would he have said it at all? Was that really what Rick was afraid of?

That Daryl would have left with Carol, given the chance?

Right now, he supposed, it didn't matter. He would never get to make that decision… There was no way to track her without Rick at least hinting as to where they had driven to… And he was not about to ask that man for nothin' right now.

He'd taken the choice away…

And Daryl was never going to forgive that.

()()()

…

…

Fuck.

That was close.

That was fucking close.

In searching for sanctuary after the prisons fall, they had blindly led themselves into a slaughter-house…

Daryl had been on his knees and waiting for the end…

God alone knew how they got out.

_Got an angel out there watchin' over y'all… _Merle commented. _Ain't no other explanation, little brother…_

All he knew for the moment was that Rick and the rest of the group had slowed their pace through the forest. And, for now, Daryl rested with the rest of the group in a part of the wood.

How much more could he take of this? They'd lost so much in the last few weeks; Andrea… Hershel… Beth…

Carol…

He felt sick.

_Barely a few centimetres from being a rack o' ribs on the bbq… You got lucky somehow…_

Rick and the others were trying to get a hold on themselves… on reality…

And Daryl…

He was tired.

Tired in his bones and in his blood.

There was a tree near he could lean on; had about enough of standing…

The others argued and murmured about him…

What was there to say?

What good would come of this?

He'd lost his weapons.

Lost his meaning.

Lost hope.

_Did you hear that?_

Didn't hear a damn thing…

_There's someone…_

Go away.

_Turn around, dummy! You're being followed._

Almost wishing it was someone with a bullet carved in his name, Daryl turned about…

The world screeched to a halt.

It couldn't be…

_No damn way…_

It was…

_There's your angel, son!_

She stood there… dirty… glorious…

And everything fell away.

All noise and thought and sense of where he was and who he was with was forgotten as time slowed and rested in the moment her eyes met his.

She saw him.

He saw her.

And then he was in flight… his heart soared above him as he reached her, arms wide and surrounding her to crush their bodies together and make certain they were both real and together.

The world could have fallen away right there and then and it didn't matter as he felt her face turn into his neck and she gave the smallest laugh…

It was beyond delight and he held her tight, lifting her from the ground and swirling her about to feel her weight and know that meant she was there in his embrace…

He only moved away to look in her eyes again; overwhelmed.

This press of her lips on his forehead was ecstasy and he had to keep his face down so she couldn't see the tears in his eyes.

He could hear her crying… smell her scent… and everything was about her.

There was nothing else.

Except for the sound of someone approaching…

He turned, half-ready to tell whoever it was to go to hell…

But it was Rick.

Shit…

He supposed they had words to say, so moved away but kept within ear-shot to listen to the revelation that Carol had saved them.

_There's your angel, Bruh…_ Merles voice smiled.

Daryl knew it! Knew it was her and he'd see her again.

And when the party finally got back to moving again, he hung back to walk at her side.

They said nothing for the first hour, just glanced at each other before giggling like kids and turning away…

His hand reached out and she accepted, spreading her fingers through his like that had done months before.

Daryls heart picked up a pace.

It was good.

Didn't matter what was gone as long as he had her there beside him; all else fell away.

After a time they noticed nobody had turned to look, so bumped a little closer; shoulder-to-shoulder.

He stifled a smile… adding, "Miss us?"

Carol glanced his way… "Missed you."

He felt the air jerk into his lungs as he tried to control himself and stirred his courage enough to admit, "Missed you too."

And if any of the others noticed his arm weave its way about her shoulders, they never said.

And the way she fit into his side as her arm snaked about his hip.

The road was long, but he seemed light as a feather.

No matter what else; they were together.


	10. Salvation

The group was asleep a few feet away; Carol had volunteered to stand watch… so what else was he to do?

The first hour passed in silence…

Just like the second…

And third…

He kept thieving little glances of her, taking notes of the change in her; she looked harder somehow… more determined… smooth, like a sharpened steel.

Daryl wondered on that. Something had happened to forge her into this new shape.

But her face, her eyes and her smile were the same when she looked on him.

And it was good. Made him realise that, in the end, no changes in her meant a damn; he was still happy to see her.

In this age that meant the world; he'd sit there in silence until the end of the time if it meant it was beside her.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said.

And he realised he'd been staring a little too long.

"I can't…"

So she did need to talk after all.

_Probably about them girls, _Merle chimed in, _and how they aint here no more…_

Shut up, Daryl willed, only wanting to listen… maybe ease her pain…

"I just need to forget about it…"

For now, he got that…

Some stuff was better left to the stars until the time was you couldn't ignore it no more…

_There are other ways you could distract her, Little Brother…_

Shut-

And almost as though she had heard the comment, Carols head snapped about to look him in the eye.

Daryl swallowed hard, "Alright…"

She smiled; it was a small, untrue smile… trying to convey she was grateful but not managing to battle through the guilt and pain so close to the surface… then she looked away, knowing he saw right through it.

He bit his lip, worrying on how to help her if she wouldn't let him.

_Just shut your mouth, dummy. All she needs is you right here… it's enough._

Perhaps Merle was right.

A sound caught his attention; the rustle of leaves and snap of twigs underfoot…

Daryl was on his feet in an instant, signalling Carol to stay behind him while he assessed the situation…

The trees were silent.

Seemed the moment had been broken… and he confirmed, "There's nuthin'."

He heard her sigh and tried not to allow unexpected reactions to the sound overcome him; his heart skipped as his skin tingled…

Words from him makin' her sigh like that…

He had to control himself.

_Why? _Merle asked.

Shut-up!

Daryl turned to her, "You ok."

Her smile came through true this time, eyes soft and stance unguarded… "I will be."

He would make sure of it.

"C'mere…" she asked him.

And what else could he do but go to her and she to him until they were toe-to-toe, breathing the same air and looking into each other's eyes.

He held his breath…

Carol seemed to be blinking quickly herself; was she as effected by him as he seemed to be by her.

_What you gonna do now?_

He wasn't really sure…

The tips of her fingers brushed his and, before he knew it he had gathered her in his arms.

Her eyes widened, pupils as wide as they could go, making his heart pick up a pace, increasing his breathing, shooting blood and oxygen through his body…

They were so close they shared the same air, from her breath to his, her scent drew deep into his lungs and he sighed, watching her lips part slightly…

No sooner had he thought of how much he wanted to know what it was to taste those lips had he registered the press of her skin and the heave of her bust at his chest.

Who had kissed whom didn't matter as he urged her closer, pulling at her elbows to throw her arms over his shoulders, ecstatic to feel her nails rake up through his hair, grip there and pull him further into their embrace.

He let his hands roam about her waist and press up her back; going on instinct rather than experience, taking the added pressure on her grip or the sigh into his mouth as a confirmation…

And his mouth… kissing wasn't something he was used to; the few women he had kissed had told him he was good… but they had to say that, didn't they?

Didn't they?

He never really felt like he knew what he was doing… but they kept coming back for more… that might just mean he was good. And Daryl wanted to be good at kissing for her…

He tried not to think on it… just attempted to caress Carols tongue as she explored and darted about his in equal measure.

She must have been liking it; she gripped him all the tighter.

And he, so concerned with her enjoyment, forgot himself and let his hands fall to the roundness of her breast, pressing down and around to take a firm hold of her ass.

She moaned…

He made her moan!

The sensation flushed through him, pounding blood and adrenaline through his veins.

He'd never felt so aware of every inch of his skin as he was at that moment… pressed to her…

Until she pulled away and buried her head in his heaving chest.

"Not right now…" she whispered… leaning into him and rubbing her head beneath his chin like a cat… "I'm sorry."

His blood cooled…

Daryl tried to control himself; he wasn't ready either…

"It's ok…" he soothed, his hands weaving into an embrace.

It was going to be ok.

It had to be.

()()()

It had been a day or two.

Daryl had tried not to think on it…

Their kiss.

Hadn't been too successful on it, but thankfully, head-Merle had remained silent on the subject.

Truly… he had had trouble thinking on anything else…

Thinking on her soft, roundness… the way she smelled… the way she tasted… her sighs…

So as soon as there was a chance to spend some time with Carol he had jumped at it.

They'd walked for a time in silence; down to the fresh water and back again to the group…

She still wasn't right… wasn't whole.

Daryl couldn't figure it.

It had to be about the girls… Had they turned? Had she had to kill them?

Why wasn't she talking to him? He was the one he always spoke to. He was the one who was always there for her.

Had things changed so much?

Was trying for something more worth losing what they had?

Daryl risked another look to her.

She was in pain.

It hurt him deeply.

And he decided there and then that their kiss could be forgotten… at least until she was healed…

"I get it," he finally said… "You don't wanna talk about it."

Didn't want to talk about leaving the group. Didn't want to talk about saving the group. Didn't want to talk about their last kiss…

But he had to know… "You ok?"

She was silent a moment before looking at him, "Gotta be."

Carol was right.

These days you had to pull it all in or let it consume you like everything else did in this world…

It was all a mess in his head and he found himself saying, "We need to start over…" and he hoped to make it less about them by saying, "All of us… with each other."

He wasn't making it better… so he added, "You saved us all… by yourself."

There weren't the words to thank her and she shrunk away when he mentioned her success.

"We got lucky," Carol shrugged it off, "We should all be dead."

She wasn't wrong.

They walked on a little without words for a moment.

Carols head snapped up, seeing something in the road…

A car…

"I'll check it," she stated.

"Alright," he agreed.

While they ran over the car for use and supplies… he watched her.

She was going through the motions, almost like the undead herself. It wasn't good. She seemed cut off… absent… there was something missing… so he had to say… "Hey… we ain't dead…"

Carol stopped what she was doing and looked to him… so vulnerable… waiting to see what he might say to make it better… to make the suffering and the pain mean a damn.

And what could he say? "Whatever happened, happened." Was this helping?

She was listening and that had to be a start…

So he continued with, "We'll start over…"

Carol turned to him, "I want to."

Right then… "Well, you can." And he meant it.

Damn… the world was constantly changing these days… what did it all mean anyways?

She was good. She was strong. She survived. And she was perfect…

She had to be ok.

So he could forget everything to wipe the slate for her.

He would.

But she turned away, focusing on a spare battery she had found in the boot of the car.

"We should leave this here for back-up in case things go south at the church," she explained.

Daryl was floored… had she even heard a word he had said?

There was hope… That was the point… But she was still thinking they needed an escape plan…

He supposed she was right to be cautious. After all, it didn't hurt none.

So there was that clean-slate he'd been so keen on...

Damn…


	11. Redemption

He hadn't known when he'd started, but Daryl was searching for Carol.

It had started with a general scout about the camp… checking the church and it's perimeter for strength and weaknesses. Then he moved further out in the circle, convinced he was doing what he should for the good of the group but knowing he was taking a track out to the car he and Carol had found…

And there she was.

Daryl eyed her as she turned his way, a little shaken, and he asked, "What are you doin'?"

What was she doing? Did she even know?

Watching her now… did she have any idea?

Carol looked uncertain, blinking and shaking her head… "I don't know."

He knew what it looked like; he just didn't want to admit it.

Neither did she.

"C'mon…" he urged, turning back in the direction of the church.

And she was following… he heard her footsteps behind him. It felt good… until all the hairs rose on the back of his neck and he whirled around to face the road.

A car screeched past the main road; howling through him as each nerve in his body buzzed with recognition; he scrambled to the sound, desperate to know…

And there it was! A white cross on the back window and he immediately knew; they were the ones who had taken Beth!

Moving without thought, he took the butt of his rifle to the car before them; hearing Carol shriek without understanding him.

No time! They were getting away! And he couldn't let them know they had been seen; the lights had to go as Carol screamed.

"They got Beth!" He shouted back as explanation.

She was silenced.

There was no time as Daryl urged, "C'mon!"

And she didn't argue; they were in the car and speeding down the road in pursuit.

It was good; having her beside him and knowing there was some hope of finding their friend again.

He was so focused that a quarter tank of gas became an eighth… and less still…

What was he doing?

Had he gone mad?

And he'd dragged her along right beside him…

"The others are going to wonder where we went," he said, beginning to feel a little guilty.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea… What were the chances they would find Beth anyway?

What were the chances she was even alive?

Could the others handle that?

Could he?

Was it better to wonder if she was alive than discover she wasn't?

Perhaps he should just turn them around… besides, "The tank's running low."

"We can end this quick," she pointed out, not understanding his feelings, "just run them off the road."

He hadn't expected her to say that… What had happened to her those missing months?

"Nah… we're good for a bit," he shrugged off.

"If they're holding her somewhere we can get it out of the driver."

"Yeah, but if he don't talk we're back to square one," he reasoned, trying not to think that Carol had been thinking of torturing the guy ahead of them for information.

This was the woman who had looked on him like he was a monster back on the farm for beatin' on that kid who was set to bring his gang to kill them.

She and her opinions had changed him; made him stronger and better. Made him realise he was good and worthwhile.

When had she lost that?

"Right now we got the advantage," he went on, almost believing his own words, "We'll see who they are. If they're a group; we'll see what they can do." But he knew that none of that really mattered… "Then we'll do what we gotta do to get her back."

And they were going to get her back.

"They're heading north…" "I-85…"

Daryl nodded, pointing the car north.

()()()

They'd been parked for a while; the street they had followed the marked car to was dark but gave enough light that they could make out the car and the space about it.

Carol hadn't said a word to him for the last few hours; just as focussed as he was in observing their target.

At least, that's what Daryl chose to believe.

He didn't want to dwell on what she may have been thinking before they began pursuing the darkened car.

She couldn't have been trying to run away… could she?

The brake lights of the car before them brightened the street and still… nothing.

"What in the hell is he waiting for?" Daryl wondered, watching the cars lights black-out. "What's he doing?"

And, almost in answer, the driver climbed out of the car and into the street.

"Is that a cop?"

What the hell was going on?

The uniform was similar… but as the man gave a stretch and casual glance in their direction, Daryl felt his heart skip…

What the hell was a cop doing in a car that looked like the one that had taken Beth?

Before the true depth of the question could settle in his head, Daryl was distracted by Carol moving to lose and cock a gun.

He couldn't help the question in his eye, but what was more than concerning was Carols overly easy answer of, "He might have seen us."

No time to think on it at that point; Daryl had to watch what was going on on the street as the cop strode off down an adjoining road.

He had to put his concern for Carol to the side for now; they were here for a reason. And that reason was for Beth.

Smack!

A walker hit the window; he and Carol jumped at the sound.

Carol gave him an eye-roll that lightened his spirit.

This was the norm now… it was expected… even funny.

What had happened to the world?

Well… it had ended… he supposed.

The cop came back into view, dumping a bike on the ground… he was moving stuff about the place… still made no sense. If anything, the walker at their window proved this wasn't a clear area. So why come out to root through the useless junk of the apocalypse.

Was there something he was missing?

_Don't worry about that, Dummy,_ Merle warned him, _somebody's drawing attention._

He was right – the cop was looking in their direction.

Daryl held his breath, giving Carol a side glance as the tension in the cab rang up a few more notches…

Nothing.

The cop clambered back in his car; so much for their intuition!

The car drove off; perhaps he had been clearing the road… still made no sense.

Damn.

Daryl turned the key in the ignition.

What?

Carol shifted beside him, knowing there was danger.

He tried again.

The car coughed and spluttered but refused to run, Daryl swore before confirming, "The tank's tapped."

But there was something gained, "They were aiming to take the bypass and they didn't." So that meant only one thing, "They must be hold-up in the city somewhere."

The achievement was short-lived as the forgotten sound of the dead at their doors began to filter through.

"We gotta move," he realised, "find some place to hold up 'til sunlight."

Problem was… how the hell would he start? He didn't have a clue…

"I know a place…" Carol admitted, looking decidedly grim. "Just a couple of blocks from here; we can make it."

Daryl appreciated that but wasn't quite at ease with the way Carol casually wound the glass and stabbed the walker at their window in the brain.

_No other way_, Merles voice told him.

And he guessed that was right.

But it wasn't her… that cold.

They made their way through the abandoned streets to the building she told him was safe…

It seemed clean and empty.

A few corpses in the entrance… women… nothing too horrific for these days.

The place was alright. How did Carol know about a place in the city; "What? You used to work here or sumthin?"

She was on edge… even for her… The way she darted her eyes and kept her body rigid… the way she twitched at each slight noise and gripped her blade handle as if ready to pounce.

"Or sumthin'…" she mumbled…

So he kept moving, knowing she was at his side, shifting furniture and making safe their home for the night and moving deeper into the building.

Daryl couldn't fathom it.

The place was deathly, even without the threat of the dead.

And as Carol passed through safety doors and white-washed walls, Daryl found his thoughts turning to the type of places the social tried taking him and Merle when they was kids.

They found a room… and he had to ask, "What is this place?"

Her shoulders tensed… "Temporary housing."

There was stuff all over… picture frames and wall hangings… a bunk for the night… hair brushes, leaflets and books…

There was one… Treating survivors of childhood abuse…

He tried to ignore it.

"You came here?" When she was desperate… after Ed had beat on her and Sophia…

Sophia…

"We didn't stay," Carol admitted.

'_Course they didn't_, Merles voice sounded in his head, _too scared and hopeful for change._

What was he supposed to say?

_Nuthin', _Merle suggested, _time for some shut-eye…_

And he supposed he was right and moved the crossbow off his shoulder as he heard Carol say…

"I'll take the top bunk…" and she shifted her bag to sling it on the bed and added, "I think that one is more your style…"

_Shit! _Merles voice sounded in his head, _She so wants to be ontop!_

Daryl shrugged off the thought.

"You should sleep," Carol said crossing to the window, "I'll take first watch."

That made no sense… "Place is locked up pretty tight…"

She grudgingly agreed.

So… "We're good then…"

Carol turned back to him, "I'll keep first watch." And she shrugged, "I don't mind."

_Probably have trouble sleepin' anyways…_ Merle was right, _she'd have last been here with Sophia._

Too many memories.

"Suit yourself," he said, moving to the bunk-bed.

But all he did was sit there, looking about the room and wondering if there was anything to say to help somehow.

"You said we get to start over," Carol mumbled, not looking his way…

"Yeah…"

She turned to him… wide, beautiful eyes picking up the hint of moonlight… "Did you?"

How was it she could do that?

Any other of them would have taken it all in and thought the advice was all for them… but she saw he was hurting and she knew he wasn't whole…

Damn it; that made her everything in that moment.

_Gonna answer her then?_

"I'm trying," he said, turning his palms in surrender. But that second of honesty hit… how could he come back from where he had been completely?

Sure… he thought he could fit with those low-lives… but when it came to it he knew they were dogs… no, not even that… they were lower than even the dirt on their boots.

But he hadn't hurt no one.

That had to count for something.

Didn't it?

Carol was in her own thoughts…

And he had to know, "Why don't you say what's on your mind?"

Silence.

She would talk to him in the end. He knew it.

And sure enough, "Do you think we get to save people anymore?"

He hadn't been expecting that…

Hadn't she saved all of them back at Terminus?

Hadn't she saved people back at the prison?

They were always saving people…

Like Beth right now?

"Why are you here?" He asked her.

She looked so lost… staring out at the moon… "I'm trying."

God! This was a mess.

And as he ran his hands through his hair in a physical reaction to trying to clear his thoughts, he heard her move toward him, felt her weight on the mattress beside him and looked to see she had laid herself on the bed…

So she was saving Beth to save herself? Or was she there for him? Or was she running away?

It made no sense… "When we were out by the car… What if I didn't show up?"

There was a moment when she looked at him… before she admitted, "I still don't know."

Hell.

She was running.

_Ain't running from you though, _Merle observed… _You're tired… Why don't you lay yourself down right there beside her?_

And, Daryl supposed that was a good suggestion; so he did.

They lay there; so close that their breath sank into the air and he could feel her body heat.

It was good.

_Could always reach out an arm to offer her comfort…_

Shut-up.

_Just sayin', _Merle sniffed.

He supposed he could.

Perhaps he should.

A friend would do it.

A friend would offer support like that.

And the idea of Carol I his arms was warming…

So he took a breath…

The slam of something hitting the secured door to their corridor broke the moment and they were up and out of the room in a hot-second.

Their passage was swift and stealthy to find the source of the noise was a previous inhabitant…

She looked thin; like Carol.

They both hesitated.

This could have been her.

He stole a glance and knew she was thinking the same…

_Oh shit…_

A smaller body joined the woman at the window.

A little girl.

_Sophia…_

Carol hefted her dagger and moved forward…

He couldn't let her… "You don't have to…"

Her face was hard.

And she moved…

His body was suddenly between her and the door.

"You don't," he insisted.

And she knew she didn't have to… but the look in her eye was that she felt the need.

Was this an exorcism?

Was the idea she was killing that last part of herself and closing the book?

That book…

She moved away and went back to their beds.

_You know what you're gonna do, dontcha? _Merle asked.

And he had to… for her.

For her… he would find that strength.


	12. Start-Over

()()()

The dawn brought a new beginning.

The closure he felt by clearing the hostels previous occupants for Carol focussed him.

He had to find Beth; he owed it to Hershel. And he owed it to himself.

She was family and she mattered.

_Ain't never heard of you thinkin' on others the way you thought on me and ma', _Merle observed, _think you really found a place in this world little brother._

And as Daryl nodded in agreement, he sensed Carol at his side.

She looked deeply into the flames… seeing the last of something that haunted and hurt her burn away.

Daryl wondered if he should fold her into his arms… thought on how she would feel in his embrace… considered how he could encourage a kiss by running his finger along her jaw to tilt her head up to meet his lips…

"Thank you," she whispered…

He nodded, not able to form words…

As much as it was a good thing he had done this there was a sadness in its finality.

These families had never found their sanctuary… neither had Sophia…

Smoke curled upward and loosed into the air before stretching into wisps in the wind.

_That's them, brother, _Merle sniffed, _that's all of us. Just passing on the breeze… reaching for the sky._

Her hand flexed beneath his, asking for permission he would never refuse, so he opened to her and took her hand.

Carol was in his arms in an instant; body folding into him like the slick fit of a puzzle coming together.

Daryl lost all thought… instinct was taking over as he wound his arms about her, his hands pushing slowly up her spine until she unfolded and brought her eyes to his.

Everything halted at the watery look in her eye; she didn't need him like he wanted her to right then… and he wanted her to need him… wanted it badly…

Damn, he had to hold it together…

_Why?_

Shut up!

He glanced down at her, giving her a squeeze to feel her squeeze him right back.

Yeah – he could hold it together. Daryl would hold it together… for her. Because this was real… this was what it was about. They were connected. They were here as the world lived on. They felt it.

And as the smoke thinned and nothing remained of what had been the woman and child that ended in their attempt to find rescue, he concluded, "Time to go."

"Yeah," she agreed.

Neither moved.

Her hand in his flexed, so he moved it to his other and let the free hand slip about her shoulder to wrap them together.

Her head fit nicely beneath his chin and she moved to let her lips meet the underside of his jaw…

"I'm glad you're here with me right now," she breathed; the heat pooling against his neck as her lips feathered his pulse point…

Daryls brain fuzzed out.

All he knew was the warmth and the scent of her surrounding him in that moment.

All he felt was the heat and the need for the touch of another living, breathing human; that it was Carol was a bonus he felt he didn't deserve.

His body shifted, undulating to bring them face-to-face… lips centimetres apart…

"Always…" he said and he meant it…

Anything.

And always.

So she kissed him.

It was in thanks.

It was in need.

And Daryl kissed her back, moving to circle her in his arms and press her into him.

Carol gasped a breath, making him hesitate before he reached up to grasp her hands in his hair and drag him into her, invading his mouth with her tongue and halting all thought.

Bodies reacted, stumbling back to the slam them into the building behind them as their hands scrambled to feel each curve and dip of the other.

Desperate and glorious… Tasting of chance and possibility… of fear and wanting…

And while those emotions fired them both… the kiss ebbed.

They came to rest; Daryl pressed against the wall of the shelter, trying to ignore the blood rushing through him and the natural reactions it brought…

Carols breath was heavy as she panted against him and looked, sheepishly, in expectation.

Daryl couldn't form words.

"We should go," Carol said, licking her lips.

He couldn't respond… all he could do was nod…

Hours later, they had made their way into the dead city, its decay and rot rising from the street around them and showing in the dilapidation of abandoned vehicles and buildings.

Surrounding them, the sounds of catarrh-like hoards of the dead growing louder as they swept through the avenues and main street, reaching corner after corner… finding it clear or brimming with walkers, there didn't seem to be an in between.

They need to get off ground level, Daryl figured, find a bridge or a tower block or something high and easy to see the city from.

_Good call, little brother, _Merle agreed. _High ground is what you need. Get a good look at what's goin' on abouts._

Which was fine; except the bridge access led to a car lot which led to a building and the campsite of the dead… twenty-some sealed in tents and cocooned in their sleeping bags… struggling against the meagre confines.

Daryl passed the ones he could, ended those he could… the first words he had uttered in hours were as he and Carol squeezed themselves through a chained door.

"Good thing we skipped breakfast."

He gave a quick glance to check her response… but she had moved on already.

_Guess she's got a lot to think on…_

Daryl shrugged off the thought…

_That kiss… _

Stop.

_Was good…_

Stop It.

_You got hard…_

Merle!

_Come on! You were meltin' in yer pants there, little brother… if she'd have given up another sigh you'd o' exploded right there…_

Daryl heard himself growl.

_Don't get antsy with me just cause it's true._

They came to a door and he figured it was as good as any and tried it, opening them into some sort of executive office; rich gits get-up still hung on the coat rail like he was comin' back for a 'spot 'o golf'.

Place made all of Daryls heckles rise on his neck.

It was such an alien idea… the money these folks used to throw into four walls they never lived in or cared for.

Was it status? Was it money? Education?

Was it just because these types of people were better than what he was and what could he be?

And what was that? If the world hadn't ended he'd have never have thought on it… would have just drifted with Merle in a red-neck haze and died on a heap of nothing…

If the world hadn't have ended he'd never have been something… something that meant a damn when it all came down to it… something people respected…

Something that Carol liked.

Cause she did… like him…

He knew it… much as he was afraid of it.

But he liked that he knew she liked him.

And, maybe, he liked her right back!

_You got yourselves something else to think on right now…_

Right… right…

So Daryl looked about the space; calm enough… seeing Carol approach the window and sigh as she took in the burned and torn streets. Everyone remembered the bombs… the way the cities burned. And all those souls abandoned by their government.

What was left of the city was ruin.

And Carol asked, "How did we get here?"

He thought on trying to lift the moment by making a joke… but the city looked so ravaged… so torn… there was nothing to be said… he mumbled "Just did."

Desolation stared back at him; empty and cold…

Was there any way of coming back from this?

Carol shifted at his side…

"You still haven't asked what happened," she shifted, "after I met up with Tyreese… the girls…"

He had wondered when that was going to come up.

_She killed them…_

Daryl closed his eyes against the notion. She loved those kids. She loved all the kids; spent time teaching them and caring for them. She would never have hurt them… not unless there was something wrong…

_That girl wasn't right and her sister was too trustin', _Merle insisted, _you know it! You just don't want to admit it!_

Daryl shook it off… instinct was too high when it came to it.

"Yeah, I know all that," he said by way of explanation… "they aint here."

Was all needed saying.

Carol continued looking out on the ruins… "It was worse than that."

He risked a look at her… so tense and guilty looking…

What could he say?

"The reason I said we get to start over…" he said… "Is because we gotta…" they did… and, more than that, he hoped… "Make it like it was before…"

Silence…

And he waited…

Until she agreed, "Yeah…"

Perhaps there was hope…

_What's that?_

You know… hope…

_Not that, dummy, you two are solid as a rock, _Merle dismissed quickly, _I mean that over there…"_

At first he hadn't spotted it at all, but something glinted at him in the gloom of the burned out, decaying city…

_On the bridge,_ Merle whispered, _a clue…_

But he still couldn't see.

Cupping a hand on the glare of the window didn't help… he squinted but still couldn't make it out…

_Oh it's there, brother!_

"What?" Carol asked, "Do you see something?"

He… he…

"I don't know," he admitted… he needed a telescope or some- "hand me that rifle."

_Telescopic lens,_ his brother sounded impressed as Daryl took the weapon from Carol and pointed it…

And it was clear as day!

He had to reign it in though, needing a second opinion… so he passed the gun to Carol and pointed, saying, "Right there…"

Carol checked outside the sighting and looked again, commenting, "It's been there a while."

Yes! He knew it!

"Definitely one of them."

The white van with crosses in the back windows hung off the overpass, teetering on the edge of the concrete, frozen in time and waiting for them. "Definitely some kinda lead."

_Your luck just don't run dry, son!_

He supposed not…

"We should fill up," Carol said, moving to scout the room for supplies.

_Lady has a point…_

Daryl huffed in agreement and began his own scout… but as she filled the bottles from the water cooler, he was distracted by the painting on the wall.

_Couldn't call that shit on a page art… _Merle snorted and Daryl snorted in agreement.

"What?" He heard Carol ask as she finished filling her water bottle.

Daryl worried his lip…

_What? _Merle asked.

She probably likes this stuff, Daryl thought, she's classy…

_And we aint?_

…

_So… what? You gonna make-believe this kinda crap is our deal? _

Daryl wondered… it wasn't really that bad…

_Look at you!_ Merle hollered, _Changin' who you are for some tail!_

Daryl shrugged uncomfortably… but Carol was right behind him now, looking for answers…

_Chicken?_

Nah… I could tell her…

_Go on._

"This cost some rich prick a lot of money…"

Carol handed him the bottle for a drink.

_Yeah! Go bro!_

"Kinda like a dog sat in paint," Merle laughed in his head as he started at the lower left corner and swiped along the line of the acrylilc… "and wiped its ass all over the place."

_Bravo, little brother!_

Yeah! Daryl remembered where he was from in the end!

"Really?" Carol asked quietly… thoughtful and still. I kinda like it."

_What?_

She's joking with me… Daryl reasoned.

_I don't know…_

So he turned to look her way…

Those eyes were cool, unfathomable oceans… teasing him… taunting him….

Daryl felt the sizzle of that attention fizz on his skin…

He snorted an embarrassed laugh and pleaded, "Stop," as he shifted to move his body from it's stiff stance and drank some cooling water.

"I'm serious," Carol insisted, slightly irritated. "You know me," she stated, moving away.

_Damn._

Daryl drank and considered the colours in the piece; the play of colours and textures…

_Gonna buy that? _Merle asked, _She seriously thinks you understand her? _

He understood Carol… as much as she understood him.

_Nah brother, _Merle sniffed his indignity, _you're the same as you ever were. You're just like me._

"Yeah," Daryl chose to leave the conversation, with a backward glance at the ever more attractive painting, "you keep tellin' yourself that."

()()()()


	13. Solace

_You know me, _she had said…

Daryl wondered on that as they swept the other offices… checking hiddy-holes and vending machines and 'honesty boxes' for snack bars or canned soda.

After a few hours, they began to circle back on themselves.

Didn't have to say a thing to each other… not a word.

_You know me…_

Yeah… and he supposed she knew him better than anyone in this world.

_But you don't _know_ her as much as you would like, _Merle whispered in his thoughts as Daryl watched the woman in front of him weave their cautious path back to the road… watched her careful steps… how her body moved…

_Oh yeah, little brother… _

Daryl tried to shake off the thoughts, pretending they didn't feel good and they weren't warming his skin. There was something other than that though… something frightening…

He couldn't be…

Could he?

Carol squeezed back through the tightly chained doors and out of sight for a moment and Daryl realised something new; he didn't like her going someplace he couldn't follow.

Hurriedly, he unhooked the crossbow from his arm and passed it through the space before hearing an urgent, "Daryl, don't…"

But it was too late.

The familiar sound of a rifle cocking cracked in the silence and a nervous, deep voice stated, "Get up."

Daryls instincts kicked in and he glanced about the space; the walkers remained enclosed in their tents, though the sleeping bags were cleared from the ground, for the most part.

He looked at their ambusher…

_Nuthin' but a bit of a kid,_ Merle noted. _Wonder if he'll make the usual mistakes._

"Hands up," the boy insisted, wielding the weapon like a child would a plastic piece, "both of you."

_Even a monkey can shoot a man dead with a loaded gun, brother,_ Merle reminded him, _best listen to the man…_

"Lay down your crossbow," the kid commanded.

Daryl shifted, unhappily, but did as he was told… "You got some sack on you."

"Nobody has to get hurt," he insisted in a desperate shout, "I only want weapons, that's it." The outburst calmed him a little as his face contorted in discomfort, "So please lay down your crossbow."

_You could probably rush him… might take you out but your girl would be safe…_

Daryl hesitated… wouldn't have sounded like such a dumb plan a few months ago… but now? He shifted again, unhappy, but laid the crossbow down and backed up some.

The kid bent and took his bow… never taking his eyes off them… so much for rookie mistakes!

"Sorry about this," the kid said… and Daryl almost believed it, until he said, "You look tough." And with a sideways glance at a writhing tent full of captive walkers told Daryl all he needed to know about the stranger as the kid loosed a machete and said, "You'll be alright."

Next thing Daryl knew; the tent was tearing open, followed by the next as they spilled their undead contents and all Daryl's senses fired.

He'd killed the first walker with relative ease and was already moving to the second when a shot rang out from his left.

He looked and saw the back of the kid as he fled from then… then, from the side, he saw Carol raise a gun…

Before he knew it, Daryl had slapped her arms down.

The gun fired and hit nothing… _What are you doing, son?_

She would have killed him! He thought to Merle-in-his-head as his hands fumbled to stop Carol falling.

_And?_

Carol was thinking along the same lines as Merle; he saw the angry question in her eyes…

But they didn't have the time for the whys right then and there; had to get the weapons back!

So he hurried to catch the kid, Carol running before him but not in enough time… the kid had locked the door.

Damn it!

Daryl span about in frustration, snorting hot air from his nose.

"Well that's great," Carol huffed… "Why the hell didn't you let me shoot him?"

The question froze the air as he turned to look at her.

What had happened? When had Carol made that change? That change that meant the timid housewife who had never used any kind of weapon would kill some hap-hazard kid before looking to help him?

And to his further surprise, he found that question hurt…

Was it because Rick had turned her out of the prison months ago?

No… it was before that.

She had killed Karen and David…

And if Daryl had noticed what was going on sooner – could he have stopped all this?

That day in the corridor… when he'd asked her if she was ok… he should have stayed with her. But he hadn't. Too worried anyone should catch them.

Why had he cared what anyone had thought?

No!

No – this was all too much.

So he walked away and back the way they came… had to get out of the building… needed to find a service entrance, or something that would have been isolated or secured.

_Makes sense._

And Carol followed him… not knowing where they were headed, but silent.

_She's got stuff to think on too…_

Daryl supposed there was truth in that.

So he kept walking and walking, trying one door and one dead-end after another.

"Three bullets…" he heard her say, after an eternity. She huffed… "We're in the middle of a city and he was stealing our weapons."

He had nothing to say on it. Sounded like she was churning herself up some and he didn't want her to stop thinking how wrong things had gotten…

Couldn't have her thinking this was the way it was meant to be…

"Did you think I was going to kill him?"

_Come on!_ He gave her a backward glance… still too pent-up to form words…

"I was aiming for his leg," she continued… making Daryl doubt her all the more as he carried on through a long-abandoned room.

_She was gonna shoot him… _ Merle chimed in, _She is protesting too much…_

You know that quote? He asked Merle.

… _yeah…_

Daryl snorted again and turned a corner to find an exit door out of the block… he reached for his knife as Carol continued…

"Could that have killed him? I don't know, maybe… but he was stealing our weapons."

He couldn't help it… "He was just a damned kid."

There was a stunned silence… "Without weapons, we could die."

_She gotta point…_

"Beth could die,"

_And another point…_

Not good enough, he pushed harder at the locked door and answered, simply, "We'll find more."

The door wasn't moving, he shifted the knife and his weight behind it.

"I don't want you to die," Carol said quietly.

_Oh she said it! _Merle hollered, _what's your response, son?!_

…

Daryl continued his fight with the door.

"I don't want Beth to die," Carol continued, "I don't want anybody at the church to die. But I can't stand around and watch it happen either."

He wasn't listening, he let himself be consumed by his task…

"I can't!" Carol shouted, distressed, "That's why I left, I just had to be somewhere else."

That was it! Daryl turned, "Well you ain't somewhere else, you're right here!" And he finally looked into her eyes, pausing for a moment to see the emotion in her eyes as she listened to him and he added, "Tryin'." Because that's what she was doing.

She was trying… for all of them…

_Sure she isn't just tryin' for you, brother?_

He glanced back at her… and felt a pull on his insides…

Because part of him wished it was true, that she was there just for him… part of him knew it was true… and part of him was scared that it was all in his head.

He had to something about that.

Didn't he?

So he got back to the door.

"You're not who you are and neither am I," she said.

And damn, it was true.

But the door snapped open and he had to control his breathing because it wasn't the effort of opening the door… he didn't know what it was…

"I don't know if I believe in God anymore, or heaven…"

Not since Sophia… he realised…

"But if I am going to hell, I'm making damned sure I'm holding it off for as long as I can."

As she angrily scrambled at her bag, it caught in his and spilled both their contents on the floor.

Daryl felt a fist about his heart; the self-help book fell out.

For abused children.

And Carol looked between him and the book as everything else fell away.

Because they were all still who they were… and there was no denying it.

There was nothing else to say.

So he turned to leave…

"Daryl," he heard her call and tried to beat-down the sick feeling in his stomach.

But her hand smoothed over his shoulder, up his neck and pulled him down to place a kiss on his lips…

He felt himself tremble as Carol pulled back and rested them forehead to forehead…

There was nothing else needed.

"Let's get out of here," she whispered.

And he nodded, letting her take point as they left the building.

He knew her, he realised.

And she knew him.


	14. Fall

He didn't want to talk about it.

Damned book.

Shouldn't have picked the thing up in the first place…

_Ain't no harm in facing the truth, kid…_ Merle reminded him… _means you're dealing with it._

But that look on Carols face…

_Probably surprised you can read at all…_

Shut up!

Merle chuckled in his head as Daryl gave a glance to his side.

Carol had no clue on what he was thinking to himself… perhaps that was for the best… she was just keeping an eye on the road as they headed for the van.

_Don't you get that she don't care, _Merle sighed, _she's been there 'n' done it. She gets it and wants you all the same._

Daryl shook the thought from his head, but Merle persisted, _Man! She's right here with you… at the end of the world._

True.

_She thinks you love Beth…_

That made his stride falter…

_But here she is; just wanting the best for you._

Did he love Beth?

_Wanting to help you and be with you…_

Daryl thought on the young girl…

He had been trapped with her; thinking on her more of a hindrance – at least in the beginning.

But for all the vulnerability… all the simple things she was unable to do… she had hope. And that was precious, especially in this world.

_You still with me here, slick? _Merle asked.

No.

_I'm sayin' that Carol is the __thing._

Daryl knew that…

But she didn't need him in her life… he'd only screw it up somehow…

"There it is…" Carol murmured as they approached the wreck.

On this abandoned overpass, the marked hospital van hung precariously through the crash barrier and half off the platform.

Danger tied knots in his gut but Daryl didn't hesitate… he reached out to open the back of the van.

Nothing… and he could see how delicately the vehicle was balanced on the precipice.

But if they were going to find Beth… this had been their only lead since arriving in the city. There was no other choice, "Alright. Let's get this done."

"It's not stable," Carol warned, taking him a little off-guard.

Nothing for it, he reminded himself before throwing himself in.

She followed,,,

…he knew she would. All the same; his heart was racing.

The van around them see-sawed and he made his way to the driver's seat, reaching for maps and clues as to what could lead them to Beth.

Carol was at his side as the motion of the imbalance increased in action; the rocking lengthened… became smoother and longer… more dangerous.

And then he noticed the walkers…

"There's more coming," Carol informed, as though she knew his thoughts. "We're going to have to fight through."

Damn it!

"Yeah," Daryl reached for his knife, "I see them."

Moving into the back of the van, he could see the swarm gathering and wasn't surprised; this was the way of things.

No such thing as luck these days.

He asked Carol about the hospitals… she was from the place so she knew where she was at… and she figured one or other ER had a chance…

Daryl listened but focused on the immediate issue; walkers were all about them when he planted feet on the ground and began to fend them off; it was a natural state these days. Make for the brain and avoid the teeth; easy.

Strange how someone could get used to things…

And still…

There were too many. He knew it.

Carol called his name in the background, bringing some clarity that they had to seek refuge.

Only one thing to do… and as much as he could have easily given in to the rush of killing those undead for the last time… Darly flung himself into the vehicle and clawed at the doors to lock out the oncoming herd.

In that slam of the doors – while he breathed and tried to think on what came next… Daryl admitted to himself… this could have been a mistake.

No.

_No, _Merle confirmed, _there's a way out, brother… always is._

Yeah - there had to be a way out of this…

"Anything we can use?" Carol screamed, sounding hopeless…

"Nuthin' but what we got," was the honest answer as he threw a glance across the relatively bare interior of the vehicle.

_Nuthin' in the back…_ Merle observed… _only one option then, little brother…_

Daryl made a dive into the cab, figuring the same thing.

…all those safety features in vans these days gotta mean a damn… right?

He was in the drivers seat when he felt Carol following suit and instructed, "Buckle up."

Petrified as she was, Carol followed him; she trusted him.

How much that meant right there in the moment… how attractive that was to him… damn!

_Focus!_

I know! Daryl confirmed his subconscious… fastening his seatbelt…

The dead clawed at the walls of their truck as Daryl looked to her; terrified and still at his side…

His heart beat that memorable tempo and he wondered as the world slowed and she placed her hand on his, braced on the dash… did she-

The truck beneath them shifted; No time.

"Hold on," he instructed.

Only one way to go.

And Carol knew that.

This was it.

Screeching metal brought him into the moment as the world flipped over itself and the truck toppled over the edge of the bypass.

The funny thing was the silence of release stretched before them; a calm as the fall felt in the eternity it took to reach its end… the jarring crash of their vehicle reaching the ground smashed him back into the all-too-painful reality.

_Fuck!_ Merle squealed in his ear, _God-damn! You are set on gettin' yourself killed, little brother!_

Wasn't another choice.

He could hear Carol breathing beside him…

They had made it.

Daryl went to move and felt as though each inch of his body moaned…

_Told ya,_ Merle sniffed, derisively, _and I do not squeal!_

"We're ok," Carol breathed, sounding exhausted.

Yeah… they were ok.

The smash of a walker impacting their screen crashed into the moment with shock, foul blood and brains dripping down their shattered screen.

The first was swiftly followed by another and another and another…

It was raining the dead…

But they had survived.

The rain continued, but it didn't matter – they were alive; it could rain all it wanted.

And once the fall of the dead closed, Daryl unbuckled the seatbelt and pushed his door open.

The stench hung in the air… may have turned his stomach once… but this was a different life. Everything was wrong… as if it had ever been prefect before the reign of the Walking Dead…

And once it was quiet they moved out of the wreck of the van, passed the ruined bodies of the dead.

Carol had made her way to him. The fall had hit her hard… she wasn't walking good, favouring her right shoulder like there was real damage… By the time he had thrown himself about her to offer support, she was all-but collapsing into his side.

_Damn_, he felt the loathing rise in his throat, _that was stupid._

_Alive, _Merle countered, _ain't ya?_

Carol shifted as he pressed himself to her and took her weight.

They were good for now… but they needed to get somewhere safe…

Walkers didn't seem to bother them as he half-carried her through the stench-filled streets; they moved with caution, eventually finding an alley to rest in as Carol took breath.

He got them into an alley where he could lower her, gently, to the ground.

Daryl rummaged for the canteen, but Carol hadn't wanted water, insisting she was fine.

So he made her prove it… and she drank.

Gave him a chance to check on her – how much hurt she had taken in the fall… bruises and swelling were already distorting her…

_She's not lookin' good, little brother._

Daryl agreed.

She offered the canteen back to him and he had to ask… "How bad is it?"

"I've had worse."

_Jeeze – she's talkin' about that dead beat, woman-beatin' ass-hat of a dead husband… shoulda put a spike in his head all the sooner._

But Daryl had been a different guy back then. And he knew what it was to take a beating… should have noticed the signs… he'd been too focussed on himself.

Hadn't they all?

Carol moved to crane her neck and shift her clothes and he couldn't help but look and check…

God! What had he been thinking? Throw a damn van off the bypass and hope to hell you survive… Reckless idiot!

_Worked, didn't it?_

A swell of guilt rushed over him as he looked to Carol… Not for her.

The mottled purple marking her shoulder and neck proved the dislocation.

"Damn, that was stupid," he chastised himself.

"We made good time down," she joked.

The bruised eye took the humour straight out of it.

He sat next to her and wondered on how to even begin to make things better.

"There's only three blocks between us and Grady," she said, getting back to the reason they were in this damned place…

But she had a point.

They needed a safe place to rest… "We should find a place nearby."

And where could he think of?

Useless.

_Stop beatin' on yourself, _Merle reminded him, _that's my job._

Why was everyone being so easy on him, Daryl wondered.

'_Cause you ain't easy on yourself._

"I'll scope it out and see what I can see," he said, looking down the alley to pick a direction.

"You really think we're going to find out what we need to know just from watching?" Carol asked… an air of doubt in her question.

Daryl swallowed a mouth of water and answered all he could, "It's where we start…" No other option and so they should move on it, "C'mon."

Carol waited as he moved to check their supplies.

He wasn't blind to how slow she moved.

She was hurt.

And it was his fault.

But she followed him as they moved through the city, stealing weapons as they could.

They were in another nameless office, stuffing diet bars into their mouths as the sun shone over the deserted streets and derelict high-rises.

Life was this now.

Peace was finally here – at the end of mankind.

And maybe this was what mankind deserved.

There was never a less respectful, more arrogant being.

And while Carol sat on the far side of the window as they devoured every scrap and crumb of the stale nutrient bars they had managed to scavenge… Daryl wondered on her words.

_So ask her…_

"You said," he began, chewing on some oats and spitting out the bad, "I ain't like how was before…" Which was enough as he looked on her and braced himself against the window for response.

She didn't even turn to him to answer, "Yeah."

Damn it.

"How was I?"

There was a pause.

This wasn't going to be good, her realised… perhaps he shouldn't have asked the question in the first place.

_Pussy._

But Carols eyes flickered and she breathed in.

This was it.

Daryl felt his heart murmur.

"It's like…" she began, flicking her eyes to him but not catching his gaze as she looked back over the city, "you were a kid…"

Childish and immature… he knew…

And he breathed against the glass as she looked on over the dead streets…

"Now," she continued… surprising him and yet not looking in his direction.

"You're a man."

The revelation took a moment to sink through.

He was a man.

A good man was the implication… and he knew Carol believed that…

Was it possible for him to believe it?

And if he had come so far… "And you?"

Startled, sky-vulnerable eyes shot his way before she recovered herself and confessed, "Me and Sofia stayed at that shelter for a day and a half before I went running back to Ed."

Jeeze… Daryl felt sick but listened all the same.

"At home I got beat up," she said, "Life went on and I just kept… praying for something to happen…" and Carol looked out to the city… "But I didn't do anything. Not a damned thing."

Daryl knew it wasn't that easy.

She had to know that too… right?

But as he watched her look out on the torn buildings and ruined roads, he noted her look harden and she said, "Who I was… with him; she got burned away."

And it was true.

"I was happy about that," Carol explained, "I mean… not happy but…"

He got it.

"And at the prison I got to be who I always thought I should be."

Made sense… she was a leader and a care giver and a mother… Daryl remembered her shining in those months… remembered how she smiled and smelled and how they touched in brief moments that could have been…

"Or I should have been," Carol continued, bringing him back to the moment as he remembered those days… "And then she got burned away."

It was a cold truth.

Those months in the prison had left him with scars too – probably left all of them.

He had found what was missing and made himself better; saw how it could all work out and how a slight touch of the hand or smile could make all the darkness and horror melt away.

But it wasn't meant to last.

Nothing did.

"Everything now just consumes you," Carol said… and there was no counter to the conclusion…

He had to think of something to say as they remained.

Because that was the point, wasn't it?

They remained.

And they were together…

Not everything ended in fire.

And maybe, just maybe, there was a chance.

"Hey…" he reminded her, "We ain't ashes."

Because they were more than the walking dead… they had to be…

And as Carol looked at him, he remembered what it felt like to have that rush through his veins… that heat pass through him.

It was such a shock that it was hard to concentrate and remember that it wasn't the time for those feelings… not here and not now…

Especially as a creaking, groaning sound disturbed them and sounded the end to their break in this particular building.

Perhaps Daryl was glad of that.

So he went back to what he knew… time to kill something.

And Carol had his back.


End file.
